2012: Year of the Blog

More regularity coming soon, with updates for matchdays, Grands Prix, other sporting events and possibly a  few news-y bits (whatever doesn't get in the way of essays, basically).

Kean To See Him Gone

Today, Steve Kean went into the training with hundreds of befuddled fans lining his way, protesting his employment and yelling hopeful calls for his dismissal. They’ve held up their placards and voiced their opinions for weeks now, both in the stands and out. The local paper itself has backed the calls to see Steve Kean kicked away from Blackburn Rovers, and yet he remains.

It’s amazing, the amount of derision that can be poured upon a man before he cries enough. Steve Kean has been vilified so hard you’d expect his routine to consist of crying himself to sleep, crying himself awake and crying himself to work. However, Kean presses on despite the fans calls, which are now beginning to become hoarse with frustration. While you have to admire Kean’s resilience, it begs the question of how much a man can be despised by the fans before a board will give in.

For many clubs I imagine this situation would have been quashed long before it got to this stage. Boards are notoriously itchier than supporters, and it’s ultimately their finger that lies temptingly on the trigger throughout the manager’s tenure. However, Venkys seems unwilling to make any move regarding Kean, and it’s this combined with the vociferous protests that is leading to a dangerous situation at Blackburn Rovers.

It’s difficult to know what the supporters’ job is in this type of predicament. On the one hand, these protests make Kean’s position practically untenable and the fans have succeeded in making Kean’s sacking a wise decision. However, with Venkys looking reserved in their motivation to rid themselves of Kean, the constant chanting and booing of the current management may only serve to distract the players and consequently lead to worse results.

It’s a bit of a see-saw for the fans. On the one hand they want Kean gone, but on the other hand they don’t want to distract the team and see them condemned further into the relegation mulch. As much as people will tell you that these protests are aimed directly at Kean and don’t concern the players, it’s impossible to suggest that it doesn’t affect them negatively. They will be aware that Kean is under pressure. They themselves will begin to scrutinise his management. The effect will be negative in the short term.

That said, Kean’s management has been very poor and I’m not sure ‘bad’ and ‘worse’ will make much of a difference for Blackburn’s current plight. They need Kean gone, and it really has got to the stage that all other considerations need to be discarded. The team’s chance of avoiding relegation under the current management is hopeless, and only the board seem unaware of these, or at least nonchalant about doing anything to counter it.

Is it right to barrack a man as he goes about his job though? After all, Steve Kean is only human and as much as he does a poor job, there’s no doubt in my mind he tries his very hardest. Alex Ferguson, Harry Redknapp and Paul Lambert have all come out in support of Steve Kean’s plight and offered encouragement to the Glaswegian. It would perhaps seem that the fans are overdoing it and only serving to harass someone who works hard for the club.

However, I think once you move into football management, you are well aware of the nature of the beast. Fans don’t make their opinion known through subtlety, and if they feel you aren’t up to task they’ll be sure to let you know about it, with their words encapsulated in eloquent ‘fucks’ and ‘arseholes’. Though the abuse of Kean probably isn’t fair, he will know better than anyone else that it was the risk of being a football manager. The fans themselves will say they have a right to voicing their opinion, and that’s true. 20,000 people all voicing their opinion against you will never sound too pleasant, but that really is part and parcel of football.

It seems there are two options for Kean. If he’s willing to accept the abuse, he can move forward and continue breaking his back to turn things around. If he feels he can’t hack it anymore, he can resign. If he did the latter, I’d imagine the abuse will stop instantly, and the Blackburn fans may even be appreciative of his effort and the fact that he called it quits for the good of the club.

To be honest, I’m not sure it’s Kean whom they are angry at anyway. I’m pretty certain that, one way or another, Venkys has been behind the real aggravations throughout the Blackburn support. They need to act in the interests of the club, and it’s becoming undeniable that allowing Kean to remain is beneficial to anyone involved. The fans who are directing their abuse at Steve Kean should perhaps ask themselves “If I was given a dream job as a football manager, and began mucking up, would I soldier on?” It’s Venkys job to prevent a situation like this from getting out of hand, and in their first major task as a board, it seems they are failing.



Oh and have a Merry Christmas

Hitch Dependency Syndrome

AKA: Why I’m going to miss that big lovely bastard

There’s almost no point listing superlatives about Christopher Hitchens. Not only have they all been uttered in the wake of his death, but it’s a certainty that any turn of phrase you could use to describe him would’ve been made 100 times better by the man himself. Hitchens was as eloquent as Stephen Fry, as intelligent as Bertrand Russell, and as outspoken as Roy Keane (I know I’ve cheapened the analogy by bringing a footballer into it, but nevertheless...)

To me he remains an inspiring figure. Just as I began to turn to philosophy, my main interest was in the debates of God. Dawkins impressed me with his calm rationality and persistent arguments, but Hitchens orchestrated a different dimension of respect. His willingness to say what needed to be said, his clear thinking and precise opinions, his superior wit: Hitchens was the master at what he did.

The videos of him on YouTube are what really blew me away. I spent hours just watching him speak. He would happily put himself into a debate, submerging into a hostile environment and come out looking the most reasoned by miles. Even when supporting points that even the most ardent of the anti-religious would fret over (such as the faith of Mother Teresa and Jerry Falwell’s death), Hitchens would at least rationalise his approach and would come out stronger for ignoring the usual taunts of the opposed (One frustrated priest laughably offered to ‘take it outside’ during one debate).

One of my favourite videos of Hitchens is him having a live discussion with a rabbi. The rabbi facetiously remarks that his son ‘cried more over his first haircut than his circumcision’. Hitchens goes quiet as the audience laughs, before launching into an impassioned tirade about the repulsiveness of such practices and the fact that they can lead to infection and death. His raise in tone showed that behind what initially appears to be a cold and stony exterior laid a heart that burned for the wellbeing of humanity.

He’s become a popular figure on YouTube for his impenetrable speeches and magical putdowns. The ‘hitchslap’ as it’s known by supporters is a running trend on YouTube, and I’m happy to be the amount of Hitchslap videos must be well into the hundreds. It seems when somebody speaks with such vigour, the scent of that aura is impossible to resist. Hitchens speaks proudly and fiercely, and destroys any track of reasoning that doesn’t satisfy him. The jugular vein of an opponent remains in his sights at all times.

It’s easy to speak highly of someone you agree so much with, but Hitchens had certain political opinions that I differed to. His support of the Iraq war and the Bush presidency (albeit only “slightly”) was perhaps a surprising conviction for a man who seemed so far away on the political spectrum. However, he was a man of priority, and he held in highest regard the protection of citizens from the forces of terror. There was method behind his unexpected thinking, whether you considered it right or wrong (the answer is wrong, by the way).

Despite being diagnosed with cancer last year, Hitchens continued to discuss, write and debate. His discussion with Tony Blair was a wonderfully intriguing bout. Both showed their class, Hitchens moreso in spite of his clear and distressing illness. It’s a poignant summation: Hitchens was a battler. He made the almighty force of religion look ridiculous, he fought under the banner of socialism in a country where it’s scoffed at, and he was an almighty power in the arena of debate.

I wrote the last half of that paragraph in present tense at first. I guess it’s still strange to know that Hitchens is now gone. He was an inspirational figure to me, and to many. His philosophy will live on in the people he influenced. Hitchens deserves his to find a place in his own personal heaven... for him that’s nothing at all. Here’s to his tremendous past, and non-existent afterlife.

RIP The Hitch.

Football 2011: Another Lovely Review

AKA - Football in 2011: No God not the bees! Arrrrgh! Arrrghgarblegarble My Eyes! My Eyes!

The beautiful game is getting more and more beautiful, yet the financial machine behind it continues to inflate beyond comprehension. Football has had another year of captivation, controversy and capitulation. It’s been bloody brilliant.

Cast your mind back to January. Roy Hodgson, resembling a lost child accidentally put in charge of a football club, was sacked as Liverpool manager and the good Lord himself King Kenny Dalglish was his replacement. Chelsea paid an immense and, retrospectively, laughable £50m on misfiring Fernando Torres. Football lost a legend in big Nat Lofthouse, who died aged 85. “Feels like a while ago”, we all cry in unison.

It has been a long year for football. The aforementioned financial aspect of the game has been completely out of control. I envisioned some form of collapse for football’s economy long before the stage we’ve reached now, but instead the inflated transfer fees show no sign of stopping. Andy Carroll, who had only been through a season of Premier League experienced, was deemed to be worth £35m from Liverpool. Meanwhile, veteran striker Samuel Eto’o was bathing in sweet money thanks to his record-high salary of £330,000 a week at Russian club Anzhi Makhachkala.

It’s a worrying trend. Somewhere, the costs have to be covered and it seems that is beginning to hit the pockets of the fans more than anything else. The constant burden that is my football team, Portsmouth, are starting to charge £30 a ticket. That’s Championship level football, and that simply isn’t good enough. The world’s financial chaos means that the days of season tickets and Sky subscriptions will begin to dwell, and that could lead to crisis for certain clubs.

However, the football itself is getting better. Enough praise has been thrown at Barcelona that if all the players were found guilty of tearing down orphanages and destroying valuable pieces of art, everyone would still watch them with dreamy approval. However, it is true that the football is getting more and more amazing and Lionel Messi is continuing to establish himself as not just the best player at the moment, but a possible candidate for one of the best of all time once his career has finished. So far this season, Barcelona have scored an astonishing 39 goals in 8 home games.

In general though, football seems to be moving back towards a more interesting attacking style. 4-5-1 seemed ready to dominate football, but over this year teams are gradually evolving into a 4-3-3, with forward players chasing down the wings in order to put more pressure on defences. It’s worked, as we’ve seen some games with superb ebbing and flowing, and to top that some ridiculous scorelines. Who could forget the 8-2 between Man United and Arsenal? Or the 6-1 between Man City and Man United? Or the incredible 4-4 between Arsenal and Newcastle?

With such excitement has come a change in the pecking order for English football. The classic ‘big four’ is well and truly dead, with Manchester City and arguably Tottenham coming well into the frame. Man City have been the success story of 2011, with their continued improvement seeing them to FA Cup success last season and making them frontrunners for the title this year. With the signings of Aguero, Dzeko and Nasri bolstering the team, it seems very likely that Manchester City will be the next big name in world football. That said, world superstars don’t tend to be shown on Channel 5 on a Thursday night.

There have been some more sombre occasions in the world of football as well this year. Recently, we tragically lost two very well respected figures in the game. Gary Speed’s death was met with as much sorrow as I can ever remember from a footballer’s passing. Clearly a much-loved figure in the game, ex-players and reporters were breaking down in tears all over the place in the days following the shocking announcement. We also lost former Brazilian star Socrates, aged just 57. He was instrumental in the great passing and moving that Brazil possessed during his time.

Meanwhile, we had the retirements of a few true greats in football. Paul Scholes hung his boots up after a quietly illustrious career spent entirely at Old Trafford. The ginger midfielder continued to play a key role in his side up until the day he called it quits. Also leaving the foray of football was Ronaldo. A player who helped define his generation, Ronaldo left behind a legacy of World Cup memories, as well as his hundreds of goals in club football.

So what can sum up this tumultuous year in football? I’m going to say Mario Balotelli. That sounds odd, but think about it: Lots of money, much craziness and unexpected events off the pitch, perhaps a little too much showboating, but underneath it all some great football. Balotelli is the embodiment of football in 2011, and that’s somewhat lovable, somewhat tragic. God himself is struggling to work out where we’ll be at the end of 2012...

SEASON AWARDS – Bear in mind these awards are for the most entertaining entities in each category, and not necessarily the best.

Team of the year: I want to give this to Blackpool, because not only were their matches always exciting, they had us intrigued during their relegation battle. However, they faded out during this season. It’s between them and Birmingham, who went through just about everything you could go through. They won the League Cup, got relegated, had a European tour, shafted their manager off to their rivals...

Sod it. Blackpool win.

Player of the Year: Mario Balotelli. He’s amazing in every sense of the word.

Game of the Year – Manchester United 1-6 Manchester City. Not only was this incredible to watch, I get the feeling it will be one of the defining games of an era. City’s domination started here.

Goal of the Year – Bryan Ruiz vs Everton. Purely for the fact that Bryan Ruiz has literally done nothing else except this one ridiculously good goal.

Numpty of the Year – Sepp Blatter. I think perhaps this award should just be the ‘Sepp Blatter Numpty of the Year’ award and have it guaranteed that he will always win it as long as he is in football. Good job, Sepp.

Manager of the Year – Steve Kean. He’s inspired more protests than raised tuition fees and yet keeps his job. He also looks like Karl Pilkington.

Bizarre Moment of the Year – Emile Heskey going mental and barging into referee Mike Jones, consequently having to be restrained by his team-mates. I mean, where the hell did that come from? It was hilarious.

Goalkeeper of the Year - Bartosz Białkowski. I think he’s only played one game this year, but it was like he was trying to recreate a Heurelho Gomes compilation reel in 90 minutes. Shockingly poor.

The WTF England Cap of the Year – Carlton Cole. He’s had seven now, and I still don’t get it.

Refereeing Decision of the Year – Jack Rodwell sent off in the Merseyside derby because... I guess the referee was in that sort of mood.

AND FINALLY, the JensonsBeard award for just being awesome goes to... Titus Bramble. It’s his forceful tackling that I like.

I would like to apologise for the previous sentence.

Christmas Time

Ahh, Christmas. I don't know what exactly it is, but I get a 'Christmas feeling' around this time of year. There's something about the atmosphere, a kind of sedating anticipation. It's hard to put your finger on it, but it's that feeling as the night falls on Christmas Eve, and the family sits around the telly with the fire on. Something in the air at that moment whispers 'christmas'.

Or maybe it's just the cold I have.

Anyway, there's an upside and a downside to all this. One of the upsides is the knowledge of imminent time off and celebrations with friends and family. Y'know, all the good stuff. You'd have to be a right monster not to look forward to that (or Jewish (oop, bit controversial)).

But the downside is the rushing. Good God, why do people shop so much more during Christmas time? I don't really understand it. It becomes chaos at the supermarket weeks before Christmas, but it's unrelenting. For some reason people are just shopping more rather than stocking up. And Christ (appropriate), they know how to dither. They're kind of like bees the way they become dim and bounce around all over the place when it gets cold.

Then again, everything gets busier. It's like humanity has decided it will come out of its houses just to get in your way over the festive period. On the Tube, on the buses, in the street. I really don't understand it. And I have a cold.

All I know is Christmas shopping is going to be a nightmare. It'll be the same people sniffing at you and trying to get to the very thing you're looking at. The same people who suddenly decide the doorway is a great place to stop and ponder the size of the universe. The same people who faff around at the tills, deciding that now is the perfect moment to request something that doesn't exist and have the cashier search the shop for it. And I have a cold.

Plus I have essays, but I won't bore you with that. Or the cold.

Anyway, here's a poem I wrote about my cold.

Winter’s Cold

It’s a bitter symphony

God has got it in for me

Sack of gunk astride my nose

Heavy head requests a doze

Frustrated mind cannot rest

Ears imbalanced, hefty chest

Sleep will be a sweet relief

If only I knew when to breathe.

I have a cold by the way.