You should know the situation by now. We have what seems to be a three-horse title race between wily-old warheads Manchester United, pesky flash rich-boys Manchester City and the unlikely chancers Tottenham Hotspur. Beneath that we have various struggles for Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool whilst certain other teams continue to punch above their weight; teams like Norwich and Newcastle. At the other end of things, there’s a relegation battle occurring between crisis-club Blackburn, the terribly flat Bolton Wanderers, Wigan, Wolves, QPR, amongst others. Basically, lots of football stuff is happening.
That’s everything up to speed. Now let’s look the action from this weekend.
Manchester United 3-0 Bolton Wanderers
This might well be the least interesting or surprising scoreline in football history, but besides the predictability of United’s comfortable win lays an unusual aspect; that is, United were faced with the possibility of three defeats on the trot. The importance of this victory will not be lost on Scottish profanity-expert Ferguson, who hasn’t quite declared ‘Squeaky Bum Time’ yet, but is almost certainly seeing it in the periphery of his vision.
The result was seldom in doubt. United were all over Bolton’s defence, camping out in their penalty area like protesters in Parliament Square. Lanky striker Danny Welbeck forced a number of saves from ginger Hungarian rarity Adam Bogdan, and Rooney had a header stopped on the line. Welbeck was then clumsily pushed over in the area and a penalty was awarded. However Bogdan, still cowering in terror over his nightmare of Tim Howard repeatedly taking goal-kicks and laughing, made a brilliant stop from Wayne Rooney’s effort.
It was in vain though, as rickety pensioner Paul Scholes was able to sweep Rooney’s pass beyond the goalkeeper to make it 1-0 to United just before half-time. After the break, Bolton responded by moving the ball forward nicely. Unfortunately, Owen Coyle lost a bar-room bet the night before and was forced to play David N’Gog as a result, and the Frenchman used this opportunity to spurn out one of the worst shots ever seen on a football field.
Rooney’s strength enabled him to push through a pass for Welbeck, who used all his leg to stretch and flick it past Bogdan for 2-0. It was all over at that point, but to seal the victory and add a welcome coat of gloss to the scoreline, Michael Carrick fired in from 25-yards despite having as much eye for goal as a blind man with a phobia of netting.
United were suffering severe turbulence up until this victory. Whether or not it will steady the ship in the long-term will be seen over the coming weeks. As for Bolton, well... things are getting grim.
Wigan Athletic 0-1 Manchester City
I must confess that I haven’t actually seen any of this game, which makes it rather difficult to talk about given that this round-up usually requires some form of detail. I’ll try though.
Apparently Edin Dzeko scored, and they said it was a header.
Then the Wigan ‘keeper Ali Al-Habsi had to make some saves. Also Wigan had a couple of chances.
So hopefully you got a good idea of the game through that. These scrappier victories can form the basis of a title win, and I think that despite any struggles City might have had tonight, they will be mightily encouraged that they still won the game. It’s a bit clichéd, but real champions can play badly and win. I’m not sure if City did play badly, but I think we all know that on their best day, they could knock Wigan into another dimension.
Tottenham 1-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers
The build-up to this game was oddly intense for Tottenham. It seemed like the papers had only that morning realised Spurs were sitting in third place, and consequently made a concerted effort to tout their title prospects as hard as humanly possible. Despite the age etched onto his abnormal jowls, this was a new experience for Harry Redknapp and the team’s reaction to the sudden onslaught of pressure was always going to be telling.
While the headline for this result was always going to be about a stuttering Tottenham, it shouldn’t detract from a very impressive Wolves performance. They took the lead in the first-half after Roger Johnson forced a save from Brad Friedel that fell to the grateful feet of Steven Fletcher, who jauntily poked home to give the away side the lead.
Togolese phone-addict Emmanuel Adebayor, who seems to be mandatorily limited to a single chance per game, then had a goal disallowed for offside. It appeared that Kevin Foley was maybe playing him onside, but that’s extraneous detail considering that if the cameras weren’t sure then we can’t have a say more reliable than the linesman’s. This did not dishevel Wolves though, who carried on attacking as their new signing Emmanuel Frimpong, who’s surname sounds like a doorbell, forced another strong save from the hands of Brad Friedel.
Tottenham’s quality did shine through in the end, as Luka Modric thumped a strike that slipped past Wayne Hennessey and gave Spurs an important equaliser. They then pressed on for the win, but it was to no avail. A-point-a-piece was a fair summation of the way the match had played out. This was definitely not Tottenham at their best, and it may have illustrated their lack of readiness for the strains upon solidity a title race yields. Though you’d be brave to write the North London club out of the running at this point, there are indications that they might not be quite up to it.
As for Wolves, it seems like we get this all the time. A spirited display, Mick McCarthy moans a bit and they’re still gelled to the outskirts of the relegation battle. With performances like this they shouldn’t go down, but victories are the essence of survival in this league.
Blackburn Rovers 3-1 Fulham
There is a remarkable resurgence going on at Blackburn. Karl Pilkington lookalike Steve Kean appears to have absorbed strength from the taunts and jibes that lined his way to work over the past few weeks, and is now unleashing his rage in the form of unlikely results. The team, once devoid of enthusiasm and lacklustre in every stride, is now screaming confidence and showing willingness to battle.
At first, it looked like it might all go wrong for Rovers. Bobby Zamora’s looping header smacked into the post, and then Yakubu, a man stuck in a perpetual jog, was sent-off for a poor challenge on Danny Murphy. There’s been a lot said about tackling, and I will come back to this on another day, but whilst Yakubu’s challenge wasn’t a typical moment of ‘Serious Foul Play’, it was a knee-shattering tackle and deserved a sending-off.
All it was going to take was a Fulham goal and all the Blackburn fans would return to their second-most common state of existence (after breathing): misery. Swiss defender Phillippe Senderos thought he may have done the trick when he powered a header towards goal, but he was denied by a tremendous save from Paul Robinson. Martin Jol, who these days looks like a withered cartoon ogre, looked on in frustration.
Against the run of play, Blackburn managed to shock the Londoners just before half-time. Morten Gamst Pedersen directed his free-kick right into the bottom corner of David Stockdale’s goal, an effort which the ‘keeper perhaps should have saved. This invigorated Blackburn who soon doubled their lead after the break, with Goodwillie’s blocked shot falling to Dunn who spiked home a second.
Fulham threatened to spoil the party when former Blackburnian winger Damien Duff cut in a goal from a tight angle, giving the Blackburn fans chills down their collective spine. They had nothing to fear though, as Steven N’Zonzi expertly found Mauro Formica, who coolly finished making the lead an unassailable 3-1.
It’s a depressing result for Fulham, given the nature of Blackburn’s current plight and the fact that they were down to ten men. Still, you have to give Rovers credit, they’ve conjured up a victory out of a situation that looked hopeless, and as long as they keep doing this, the more chance they have of surviving. Steve Kean is leading one of the most astonishing comebacks from any manager in football, and it’s become one of the season’s stories to watch.
Swansea City 3-2 Arsenal
The script was written for Thierry Henry. I’m sure that’s what we all would’ve been saying if he’d had any impact whatsoever, but instead the Frenchman decided he wasn’t up for the role of saviour as Arsenal crashed at the Liberty Stadium.
Even Robin van Persie’s obligatory act of dragging Arsenal out of the mud wasn’t enough on Sunday. The Dutchman began the match with his usual class, tagging onto the end of Arshavin’s ball and slamming home from a difficult angle to put Arsenal into an early lead. Despite this, Arsenal’s defence was looking stretched and wayward. It was like watching four men panic with a rolling bomb. Swansea regained possession and Nathan Dyer was fouled in the resulting attack, garnering the Welsh side a penalty. Scott Sinclair duly converted it.
Both sides had further chances in the first-half. Ramsey took the ball past the ‘keeper and nearly squeezed his shot into the goal, but it clanged off the post. Up the other end, Nathan Dyer was causing problems and testing Sczcesney. Luckily for Swansea, Arsenal displayed some more useless defending in the second-half, relinquishing possession and allowing Allen to find Dyer who smashed in a nice goal with a hint of curliness on it.
All this gave the chance for Theo Walcott to rectify some recent hesitant moments. There’s been a few occasions where the pacy winger has been one-on-one with the goalkeeper and fluffed the opportunity, but not this time. An expert finish from the accidental World-Cup star made it 2-2 for Arsenal. Crisis averted? Stage set for an Henry winner? Not a chance.
Within seconds Swansea were up the other end. A stupefied Wojiech Szczesney gasped in surprise. “Huh?” he expressed. Danny Graham, showing little remorse, brushed home a winner before the Gunners were even aware of it. A late opportunity for Mertesacker was skewed horribly wide, and Swansea had captured a glorious, famous win.
The Swans have been playing tremendous football lately and definitely warranted that prestigious victory. It’s great to see that an attacking side coming straight up from the Championship can look genuinely capable of coping with their full-on style throughout the season (as opposed to the likes of Hull and Blackpool, who always seemed to be on the edge of chaos). Meanwhile, Arsenal’s recent run of excellent results seems to have ended and Wenger will be looking to redouble the efforts of reaching that all-important top-four finish.
Chelsea 1-0 Sunderland
Sunderland can be a bit of a bogey team for Chelsea, so this game always had the potential of being a difficult contest for The Blues. Sunderland certainly won’t feel that they were a disappointment, as they began with Stephane “The Power” Sessegnon bullying his way forward and trying his best to initiate forward movement. The omnipotent Beninese midfielder couldn’t force the issue enough though, as Chelsea went up the other end and Fernando Torres tried a spectacular overhead kick that crashed off the bar. A dumbstruck Frank Lampard provided an unintentional follow-up, and Chelsea were suddenly 1-0 up.
Both sides had chances. Danish loaf Nicklas Bendtner squashed an effort wide of the post and James McLean fluffed an excellent opportunity to equalise. Meanwhile Fernando Torres was doing his usual trick of flumping shots all over the place, hitting everything except the back of the net as he desperately looked for a way to end his 14-hour barren spell.
Ramires also pushed forward through midfield, and had a solid effort on goal from distance producing a good save from Mignolet. He apologised to Torres for not choosing to pass, before sharing knowing glances with the rest of his teammates. Gardner and Bendtner both missed more chances before the referee blew the final whistle. Chelsea took a tight but necessary victory as Sunderland left the Bridge without having been disgraced.
West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Norwich City
It was all going so well. Comfortable, consistent... just how it’d been planned. But some surprises can’t be accounted for. Sometimes things just go wrong. When the autocue broke down, Lineker faced the camera with a piercing stare of terror, reaching out to the viewers in search of a solace that would never come. He was suddenly alone on his words, and a vulnerability was spoken down the lens. I’m not ashamed to say I got a bit teary-eyed when I saw it.
Anyway, Norwich continued to be the most impressive of the promoted teams with another well-earned away victory. After both sides had chances, Hoolahan crossed into the box to find Andrew Surman, who clumped in a volley. It made a beautiful sound, and the loveliness of that was reflected in the scoreline; 1-0.
It wasn’t all plain-sailing for the Canaries, as slightly-disappointing-given-his-namesake defender Daniel Ayala committed a rash foul to give West Brom a penalty. Shane Long confidently dispatched it, and gave the Baggies a fatal confidence. Charging forward for the victory, Mulumbu had his shot stolen off him at the vital moment, and an incisive breakaway from Norwich culminated in Grant Holt lofting in a cross for Morison to slam a header home. Norwich picked up their 7th win of the season, re-emphasising their ambition for mid-table obscurity. For West Brom, the struggle gets heavier...
Newcastle 1-0 QPR
With Demba Ba on the form of his life, it was going to be a strain on Newcastle to replace him as the selfish Senegalese striker decided he wanted to play in the Africa Cup of Nations. How dare he?
The way QPR began the game was extremely feisty. They fought tooth, nail, hair and any other disposable part of the body for the ball and were not afraid of giving the goalkeeper a few frights. Buszaky stung the fingertips of Tim Krul whilst dinky winger Shaun Wright-Phillips’s effort skimmed a lick of paint off the bar.
Newcastle pushed on, and Leon Best (who is largely being touted as Demba Ba’s replacement) showed a touch of quality as he danced around a defender and slotted the ball into the back of the net with supreme style.
Jay Bothroyd became QPR’s scattergun as he decided he was just going to keep shooting until the statistics looked ridiculous. It didn’t work, but QPR were still pressing up-front. It actually made Paddy Kenny so bored, he decided to inject a bit of excitement into his game by rushing out to prevent a corner, rounding an oncoming midfielder and then putting it out for a throw-in. He then enjoyed the adrenaline-rush of the sprint back to goal as Spider-Geordie Jonas Gutierrez tried to curl the ball in past the stranded ‘keeper. The defence were there to clear up for the Irish Lemsip-addict.
Newcastle held firm and took the victory. The Hughes-effect hasn’t quite settled for Rangers, but there were promising signs in there. Namely, their renewed passion.
Aston Villa 1-1 Everton
A bog-standard mid-table clash if ever there was one. Neither side were itchingly desperate for the victory in this game, so a draw was probably the necessary result on this occasion. Most of the early action involved Shay Given, as he had to make a terrific save from Saha’s header, followed by another save from Stephen Warnock’s stupidity. His run of stops made him so confident, that he decided he wasn’t even going to use hands when he later saved Fellaini’s effort.
Darren Bent then scored his 99th Premier League goal after Marc Albrighton stuck a super cross into the box and, after a bit of back-and-forth between him and Stephen Ireland, Bent slipped in the finish for 1-0.
Despite this, seasonal Yank Landon Donovan was able to help level things up when his clever ball found on-form and also seasonal striker Victor Anichebe who summoned up all his composure for a sweet finish. It was two even teams in an even game with an even result. Nothing odd about that.
Liverpool 0-0 Stoke City
Oh wow, finding something to say about this one. I mean, it was easier with the City game and I haven’t even seen that one. Liverpool do seem to be drawing a crazy amount of home matches, and I don’t think the claim that teams come to Anfield and defend for their lives can be used to excuse all of these ties. Liverpool have to be strong enough to score goals at home, and if they can’t do it then one wonders if King Kenny still has the magic anymore.
Liverpool did have chances, albeit sparse ones. Kuyt and Skrtel both missed headers and Stewart Downing put an effort over the bar. Other than that though, Liverpool had little and should have offered so much more going forward.
It’s the sort of result Stoke are good at getting, though, and they will be happy with another point towards survival for their fourth consecutive season.
And that wraps everything up. Come back next week for another one. Also I’m a bit tired and not well today, so that probably wasn’t my best one. So, like, if you hated this give it another go. And if you liked it, thanks and that.
Goal of the Weekend: Leon Best’s twirly jive and sumptuous finish.
Performance of the Weekend: Blackburn, for defying their subdued manpower and emerging victorious.
The ‘Huh, that’s Different’ Award: Paddy Kenny, for deciding he’d had enough of sitting about and rushing out of goal unexpectedly.
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