Football Round-Up: Some Great Foot-Bal-To-Tell-Yi About

It was Super Soccer Special Sky Sports Smashing Spectacular Stunning Sunday yesterday, so naturally the most significant action of the weekend took place on the Sabbath. However, there were stories galore and this here little page is all set to round them up like cattle. Even though I just made a point about how much more occurred than the two Sunday games, I’m going to be a hypocritical monster and start with yesterday’s action.

Manchester City 3-2 Tottenham Hotspur

So nearly was this City’s first slip on home turf this season. However, the league leaders were able to stabilise themselves just in the final nick of time, as they overcame a resurgent Tottenham side to retain their 100% record at the Etihad Stadium. Just as Redknapp’s Spurs began to look like a reasonable bet for the title, they encountered the toughest fixture in their calendar. Pulling a determined face, they braved the worst of the storm as they went 2-0 down, and without so much as glancing at the ground, pulled themselves back into the game. Despite losing the match a stroke before the final whistle, Tottenham will continue to be encouraged about their own ability from this match.

The first half was a simmering affair that suggested a game could be on the cards somewhere along the line. After neither team really threatened, the game sprung into life like a squirrel being awoken by an angry fox. On the 56^th minute, David Silva being the silky awesomeness he is, sliced the defence apart with a wonderful threaded pass to Samir Nasri, who took on the shot first time with an extremely clinical finish. City celebrated, but didn’t let their minds wander as a few minutes later, a corner was whipped in and Joleon Lescott used all of his body to bundle the ball into the back of the net. Tottenham had been destroyed by a three minute double-salvo.

As much as this can deflate teams, Tottenham are a strong balloon. Hang on, that metaphor still suggests weakness. Actually, they’re more like a football. A leather one. Stronger. Well, anyway, you know what I mean. What I’m trying to say is that Jermain Defoe pulled one back when Savic made an error and allowed the titchy striker a one-on-one opportunity with Hart, which the experienced Defoe would not refuse.

Before City could wipe their eyes with shock, Gareth Bale had levelled things to 2-2 with a sumptuous curled finish from range. Having enjoyed that brilliant goal, Tottenham begun to sense a victory on the horizon. Both sides were having chances up until the last few minutes, when Spurs came within inches of an incredible victory. Gareth Bale pounced on another Savic mistake and powered forward into the box. He pulled the ball back for Defoe who, stretching all 3 foot 7 of him, could only deflect the ball wide of the post.

Naturally, when there’s a story at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli isn’t far away. This time he was involved in a nasty and practically indefensible incident before winning and scoring the decisive penalty. Having tangled up with midfield rock Scott Parker, Balotelli appeared to direct a stamp towards Parker’s head. It had a regrettable deal of intent about it, and Balotelli will be lucky to escape a severe punishment for the incident.

However, right after Tottenham missed their massive opportunity, Ledley King brought Balotelli down in the Spurs penalty area and the referee was given no choice. The Italian dispatched the penalty without blinking, and City continued to march on.

Arsenal 1-2 Manchester United

“Anything you can do, we can do... similarly” was the (probably reluctant) cry of the United fans yesterday as they cruised to victory in a numbingly sedate game at the Emirates. This match will have drawn yawns from around the country as Arsenal showed they had extremely little to offer against an efficient United.

A turgid first half was only livened up in the final minute when Ryan Giggs’ curly cross was met by the enormous leap of Spanish Football Club Antonio Valencia. This will have given Arsene Wenger an excuse to release all of his pent up rage upon the team talk, and indeed Arsenal did look fired up in the second half.

They began to create chances but were suffering from ‘Diop-finishing’ syndrome, blasting the ball all over the place and nowhere near the goal. However, the quality of Robin van Persie shone through for the bazillionth time this season, as he found the degree-specific angle to slide the ball past Lindegaard in the 71^st minute.

Despite Wenger’s success in riling the team up, the Frenchman (who still looks like a man going through a perpetual bout of flu) decided to ruin everything by making a couple of laughable substitutions. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who had looked impressive, was brought off and replaced by the calamitous Andrey Arshavin, who did nothing. Still, Arsenal had the momentum so it would be fine, right? It wasn’t enough. Ten minutes later, United mesmerised the Arsenal defence with a beautiful game of penalty-box pinball. A great move allowed Danny Welbeck to thud home the winner.

United had to win this game following City’s victory over Tottenham. They’ve shown a great deal of strength in emerging victorious at The Emirates. Both sides continue to impress, and if one thing is certain, then it is that the winner of this season’s Premier League will have deserved it immensely.

Bolton Wanderers 3-1 Liverpool

Kenny Dalglish looks to be losing his Kingly magic. We have seen a great deal of shortcomings in the Liverpool team, and only one conclusion can be drawn – they have spent their money atrociously. With their struggles to get a result at home and now this crushing defeat against a lowly Bolton side, one has to wonder whether or not it’s time for his majesty to abdicate.

You have to give Bolton credit for securing the victory, but let’s make no mistake – Liverpool were poor. Mark Davies seemed to have a nasty infectious disease on his boots as the Liverpool defence kindly ran away from him as he bore down on goal. It was a simple finish to give Bolton the lead.

Nigel Reo-Coker showed what inimitable a truly wonderful class he has with a well taken second goal, before becoming furious over Craig Bellamy’s existence. The stumpy Welshman was the man to give Liverpool hope when he wrapped onto Carroll’s pass and struck home to make it 2-1 before half-time. Bolton were not to let it slip though, as Gretar Steinsson thumped home a volley to seal an excellent victory for The Trotters.

Bolton required hope. It was an entity they seemed totally devoid of up until now, but this victory could finally spark the revival everybody has been expecting.

Everton 1-1 Blackburn Rovers

Everton have spent this whole season on the periphery of everyone’s attention. I don’t think anyone’s even aware of their existence once Match of the Day is over, such is their ability to find that mid-table obscurity. Blackburn, however, are big characters in the relegation fight and will be delighted to continue grinding out results that could prove crucial in their struggle.

Blackburn were more than worth their point as they battered the Everton woodwork and generally appeared to be more spirited during the game. Despite this, The Toffees carved out a lucky lead when Fellaini got his arms all over the ball before Tim Cahill scored from close-range. It was his first goal for over a year, and his first non-headed goal since ever.

Blackburn persevered, embodying this newfound iron-grit that has infused the whole squad. After David Dunn smacked the post again (with the ball, I should add), Morten Gamst Pedersen attempted one of his irritatingly-good free-kicks. Howard parried it and as Cahill attempted to clear the ball away from goal, the ball hit David Goodwillie and bounced into the back of the net. David Goodwillie has three goals for Blackburn now, and I don’t think he’s done anything towards them except stand in the right place.

The game ended as a draw, which Blackburn will be both happier with, and slightly aggrieved by.

Fulham 5-2 Newcastle United

Right. I haven’t seen the highlights of this one, so I’m going to summarise without the usual match report-type bit. Fulham had been dipping their toes in the relegation mess a little bit up until this victory. However, the squad looks decent and Martin Jol has a proven track record when it comes to Premier League management. It never looked like Fulham had the ingredients for relegation, but this comprehensive victory over high-flying Newcastle will have done a lot to make that fact feel more secure.

The Cottagers owe a lot to Clint Dempsey. The yank has been tremendous in his five years at the club and it always feels like he is still improving. A hat-trick in this game pays tribute to his goalscoring prowess, but as we know Dempsey has so much more to his game than that. One wonders if Clint Dempsey is one of the most underrated players in the league.

Newcastle are under the scrutiny of having to cope without the brilliant Demba Ba, and it looks like they’re struggling. However, it clearly wasn’t for goals, as they scored two away from home (which most sides would be happy with). I’m guessing there were defensive issues for United, and that won’t bode well for this second half of the season if they are still harbouring European ambitions.

Norwich City 0-0 Chelsea

There’s little to say about this game. Norwich were predictably pegged back by Chelsea, but Fernando Torres’ extraordinary misfortune in front of goal saved the day once more. The troubled feminine Spaniard forced some spectacular saves from John Ruddy as well as missing other excellent opportunities.

It’s really quite amazing how Torres just cannot score at the moment. It’s got to the point where, by definition, he has to possess a quantum anti-luck in order for this barren run to make any sense in a universe without the paranormal. Still, at least his efforts were better than Malouda’s big opportunity, which I believe is still rising and should pass the Moon on Wednesday.

Norwich take another impressive point, Chelsea disappointingly drop another couple. Form does not change in this one.

QPR 3-1 Wigan Athletic

Tufty-haired Mark Hughes enjoyed his first victory with QPR as they secured a vital three points against their relegation rivals. Surprisingly, this was only Rangers’ second win at Loftus Road this year, and that sort of form is exactly what Hughes will be looking to change. They say ‘start as you mean to go on’, so signs are good.

A pretty blatant handball gave QPR an early advantage when they received a penalty for a moment of blind stupidity. Helguson just managed to squeeze it past Ali Al-Habsi, but the Omani goalkeeper was to get his own back later. He could do nothing about Akos Buzsaky’s spectacular free-kick ten minutes later though, which was directed beautifully into the top corner of the Wigan Athletic goal.

Hugo Rodallega looked at Buzsaky’s goal and thought to himself “That looks good, I might have a go at that”. Sure enough, Rodallega took his free-kick just as well as Buzsaky had, and another spectacular goal allowed Wigan a sniff of recovery. It looked like that would be negated when Heidar Helguson won another penalty after being brought down by Sammon. However, that redemption for Al-Habsi I alluded to earlier was completed here when he clawed away the Ice-man’s penalty terrifically.

For a man with a pretty bland name, Tommy Smith showed he was capable of the odd extravagance. From 25-yards out, the former Portsmouth and Watford striker crashed in a drive that stunned Wigan and put the game to bed. QPR hauled themselves out of the relegation zone, but Wigan are beginning to get cut off at the bottom. Though they always seem to find a way out of the dirge, it looks like Wigan will require a truly great escape this time around.

Stoke City 1-2 West Bromwich Albion

I don’t like Thomas Sorensen. I don’t have anything against him personally, but in my view he’s blocking the extremely talented Portsmouth-graduate Asmir Begovic from making himself into the greatest goalkeeper ever in the world. However, it’s only fair to say that the Dane was a tad unlucky when he allowed Morrison’s whistling shot to slip past him during Saturday’s game between Stoke and West Brom. The effort curled very late on and Sorensen happened to commit himself just a little too early. It was an unfortunate way for The Potters to go behind.

Stoke nearly got their own slice of luck when they were awarded a very soft penalty following Gareth McAuley’s challenge. However, Jon Walters’ effort was collected by Ben Foster, and the opportunity went to waste. Not to be deterred, Stoke did eventually get their equaliser very late on after Pennant’s free-kick (also a soft decision) found the head of Cameron Jerome, who poked it home. It looked like they had rescued a point.

Did I have you there? Did you think for a second that Stoke had drawn? No? Well, how did you kn... oh, I put it as the headline on this section. Oh, and you watch Match of the Day. Well, that’s one way of getting a football round-up, but... not the best way. Anyway, Dorrans’ angled free-kick broke Stoke hearts when it nestled into the bottom corner after missing everyone. Another important win for a relegation-threatened team. A surprise for Stoke.

Sunderland 2-0 Swansea

Two excellent goals allowed Sunderland’s fantastic run under Martin O’Neill to stretch further. Despite being the best passers in the league and having Britain’s answers to Xavi and Iniesta, Swansea offered little in the way of attack which may have disappointed frustrated bespectacled statisticians.

Stephane Sessegnon, who is without doubt my favourite player in the world at the moment, pulled off a brilliant one-two with James McLean before managing an absolutely sublime finish to put Sunderland ahead 15 minutes in. It was a fantastic goal, but would later be bettered. In the meantime though, Swansea had a good deal of possession without showing enough initiative up front to make the vital difference in the scoreline.

Then came the better goal, just five minutes before the end of the game. Stephane Sessegnon knocked the ball to Craig Gardner who took one touch before firing in a beautiful dipping half-volley that gave Michel Vorm no hope. The midfield maestro looked to his adoring fans with a casual smile as they applauded another tremendous goal, and another impressive victory.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-3 Aston Villa

Crumbs! I haven’t seen this one either. I know, it’s a shoddy football round-up when there’s a couple of games that I didn’t even get round to watching the highlights of (not to mention the many football league games I always ignore), but I didn’t want to wait any longer on this and I wanted to make sure I keep posting these. Anyway, I’ll stop going on about myself and start talking about the football that I didn’t see.

Robbie Keane has re-integrated himself into the Premier League with a couple of goals. Despite his MLS status, the least you can expect from someone like Robbie Keane is an eye for goal when he is offered the opportunity, and Alex McLeish seems to have devised a plan to keep a number of very reliable strikers at the club. Darren Bent, of course, comes with goals written into his contract. He scored a penalty to put his Premier League tally up to 99 (You may remember me saying he had 99 last week but... I didn’t).

Aston Villa move up to 11^th and appear to be heading towards a similar mid-table obscurity to that of Everton. Meanwhile, Wolves just can’t grind results out when it matters. If points were awarded for playing good football and looking generally impressive, Wolves would never be anywhere near the drop zone. However, they have a troublesome tendency to drop points too easily. It needs to change.

Goal of the Weekend: Craig Gardner’s volley that dipped like a rollercoaster and was just as much of a thrill.

Team of the Weekend: I’d be tempted to say Fulham despite having not seen them. Instead I’ll plum for QPR

The ‘Huh, that’s Different’ Award: I’m going to venture into the scary world of the football league and give a mention to the hilarious incident in which Bury players Coke and Schumacher nearly came to blows over who should take a penalty.

Football Round-Up: Scholes Galore

You should know the situation by now. We have what seems to be a three-horse title race between wily-old warheads Manchester United, pesky flash rich-boys Manchester City and the unlikely chancers Tottenham Hotspur. Beneath that we have various struggles for Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool whilst certain other teams continue to punch above their weight; teams like Norwich and Newcastle. At the other end of things, there’s a relegation battle occurring between crisis-club Blackburn, the terribly flat Bolton Wanderers, Wigan, Wolves, QPR, amongst others. Basically, lots of football stuff is happening.

That’s everything up to speed. Now let’s look the action from this weekend.

Manchester United 3-0 Bolton Wanderers

This might well be the least interesting or surprising scoreline in football history, but besides the predictability of United’s comfortable win lays an unusual aspect; that is, United were faced with the possibility of three defeats on the trot. The importance of this victory will not be lost on Scottish profanity-expert Ferguson, who hasn’t quite declared ‘Squeaky Bum Time’ yet, but is almost certainly seeing it in the periphery of his vision.

The result was seldom in doubt. United were all over Bolton’s defence, camping out in their penalty area like protesters in Parliament Square. Lanky striker Danny Welbeck forced a number of saves from ginger Hungarian rarity Adam Bogdan, and Rooney had a header stopped on the line. Welbeck was then clumsily pushed over in the area and a penalty was awarded. However Bogdan, still cowering in terror over his nightmare of Tim Howard repeatedly taking goal-kicks and laughing, made a brilliant stop from Wayne Rooney’s effort.

It was in vain though, as rickety pensioner Paul Scholes was able to sweep Rooney’s pass beyond the goalkeeper to make it 1-0 to United just before half-time. After the break, Bolton responded by moving the ball forward nicely. Unfortunately, Owen Coyle lost a bar-room bet the night before and was forced to play David N’Gog as a result, and the Frenchman used this opportunity to spurn out one of the worst shots ever seen on a football field.

Rooney’s strength enabled him to push through a pass for Welbeck, who used all his leg to stretch and flick it past Bogdan for 2-0. It was all over at that point, but to seal the victory and add a welcome coat of gloss to the scoreline, Michael Carrick fired in from 25-yards despite having as much eye for goal as a blind man with a phobia of netting.

United were suffering severe turbulence up until this victory. Whether or not it will steady the ship in the long-term will be seen over the coming weeks. As for Bolton, well... things are getting grim.

Wigan Athletic 0-1 Manchester City

I must confess that I haven’t actually seen any of this game, which makes it rather difficult to talk about given that this round-up usually requires some form of detail. I’ll try though.

Apparently Edin Dzeko scored, and they said it was a header.

Then the Wigan ‘keeper Ali Al-Habsi had to make some saves. Also Wigan had a couple of chances.

So hopefully you got a good idea of the game through that. These scrappier victories can form the basis of a title win, and I think that despite any struggles City might have had tonight, they will be mightily encouraged that they still won the game. It’s a bit clichéd, but real champions can play badly and win. I’m not sure if City did play badly, but I think we all know that on their best day, they could knock Wigan into another dimension.

Tottenham 1-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers

The build-up to this game was oddly intense for Tottenham. It seemed like the papers had only that morning realised Spurs were sitting in third place, and consequently made a concerted effort to tout their title prospects as hard as humanly possible. Despite the age etched onto his abnormal jowls, this was a new experience for Harry Redknapp and the team’s reaction to the sudden onslaught of pressure was always going to be telling.

While the headline for this result was always going to be about a stuttering Tottenham, it shouldn’t detract from a very impressive Wolves performance. They took the lead in the first-half after Roger Johnson forced a save from Brad Friedel that fell to the grateful feet of Steven Fletcher, who jauntily poked home to give the away side the lead.

Togolese phone-addict Emmanuel Adebayor, who seems to be mandatorily limited to a single chance per game, then had a goal disallowed for offside. It appeared that Kevin Foley was maybe playing him onside, but that’s extraneous detail considering that if the cameras weren’t sure then we can’t have a say more reliable than the linesman’s. This did not dishevel Wolves though, who carried on attacking as their new signing Emmanuel Frimpong, who’s surname sounds like a doorbell, forced another strong save from the hands of Brad Friedel.

Tottenham’s quality did shine through in the end, as Luka Modric thumped a strike that slipped past Wayne Hennessey and gave Spurs an important equaliser. They then pressed on for the win, but it was to no avail. A-point-a-piece was a fair summation of the way the match had played out. This was definitely not Tottenham at their best, and it may have illustrated their lack of readiness for the strains upon solidity a title race yields. Though you’d be brave to write the North London club out of the running at this point, there are indications that they might not be quite up to it.

As for Wolves, it seems like we get this all the time. A spirited display, Mick McCarthy moans a bit and they’re still gelled to the outskirts of the relegation battle. With performances like this they shouldn’t go down, but victories are the essence of survival in this league.

Blackburn Rovers 3-1 Fulham

There is a remarkable resurgence going on at Blackburn. Karl Pilkington lookalike Steve Kean appears to have absorbed strength from the taunts and jibes that lined his way to work over the past few weeks, and is now unleashing his rage in the form of unlikely results. The team, once devoid of enthusiasm and lacklustre in every stride, is now screaming confidence and showing willingness to battle.

At first, it looked like it might all go wrong for Rovers. Bobby Zamora’s looping header smacked into the post, and then Yakubu, a man stuck in a perpetual jog, was sent-off for a poor challenge on Danny Murphy. There’s been a lot said about tackling, and I will come back to this on another day, but whilst Yakubu’s challenge wasn’t a typical moment of ‘Serious Foul Play’, it was a knee-shattering tackle and deserved a sending-off.

All it was going to take was a Fulham goal and all the Blackburn fans would return to their second-most common state of existence (after breathing): misery. Swiss defender Phillippe Senderos thought he may have done the trick when he powered a header towards goal, but he was denied by a tremendous save from Paul Robinson. Martin Jol, who these days looks like a withered cartoon ogre, looked on in frustration.

Against the run of play, Blackburn managed to shock the Londoners just before half-time. Morten Gamst Pedersen directed his free-kick right into the bottom corner of David Stockdale’s goal, an effort which the ‘keeper perhaps should have saved. This invigorated Blackburn who soon doubled their lead after the break, with Goodwillie’s blocked shot falling to Dunn who spiked home a second.

Fulham threatened to spoil the party when former Blackburnian winger Damien Duff cut in a goal from a tight angle, giving the Blackburn fans chills down their collective spine. They had nothing to fear though, as Steven N’Zonzi expertly found Mauro Formica, who coolly finished making the lead an unassailable 3-1.

It’s a depressing result for Fulham, given the nature of Blackburn’s current plight and the fact that they were down to ten men. Still, you have to give Rovers credit, they’ve conjured up a victory out of a situation that looked hopeless, and as long as they keep doing this, the more chance they have of surviving. Steve Kean is leading one of the most astonishing comebacks from any manager in football, and it’s become one of the season’s stories to watch.

Swansea City 3-2 Arsenal

The script was written for Thierry Henry. I’m sure that’s what we all would’ve been saying if he’d had any impact whatsoever, but instead the Frenchman decided he wasn’t up for the role of saviour as Arsenal crashed at the Liberty Stadium.

Even Robin van Persie’s obligatory act of dragging Arsenal out of the mud wasn’t enough on Sunday. The Dutchman began the match with his usual class, tagging onto the end of Arshavin’s ball and slamming home from a difficult angle to put Arsenal into an early lead. Despite this, Arsenal’s defence was looking stretched and wayward. It was like watching four men panic with a rolling bomb. Swansea regained possession and Nathan Dyer was fouled in the resulting attack, garnering the Welsh side a penalty. Scott Sinclair duly converted it.

Both sides had further chances in the first-half. Ramsey took the ball past the ‘keeper and nearly squeezed his shot into the goal, but it clanged off the post. Up the other end, Nathan Dyer was causing problems and testing Sczcesney. Luckily for Swansea, Arsenal displayed some more useless defending in the second-half, relinquishing possession and allowing Allen to find Dyer who smashed in a nice goal with a hint of curliness on it.

All this gave the chance for Theo Walcott to rectify some recent hesitant moments. There’s been a few occasions where the pacy winger has been one-on-one with the goalkeeper and fluffed the opportunity, but not this time. An expert finish from the accidental World-Cup star made it 2-2 for Arsenal. Crisis averted? Stage set for an Henry winner? Not a chance.

Within seconds Swansea were up the other end. A stupefied Wojiech Szczesney gasped in surprise. “Huh?” he expressed. Danny Graham, showing little remorse, brushed home a winner before the Gunners were even aware of it. A late opportunity for Mertesacker was skewed horribly wide, and Swansea had captured a glorious, famous win.

The Swans have been playing tremendous football lately and definitely warranted that prestigious victory. It’s great to see that an attacking side coming straight up from the Championship can look genuinely capable of coping with their full-on style throughout the season (as opposed to the likes of Hull and Blackpool, who always seemed to be on the edge of chaos). Meanwhile, Arsenal’s recent run of excellent results seems to have ended and Wenger will be looking to redouble the efforts of reaching that all-important top-four finish.

Chelsea 1-0 Sunderland

Sunderland can be a bit of a bogey team for Chelsea, so this game always had the potential of being a difficult contest for The Blues. Sunderland certainly won’t feel that they were a disappointment, as they began with Stephane “The Power” Sessegnon bullying his way forward and trying his best to initiate forward movement. The omnipotent Beninese midfielder couldn’t force the issue enough though, as Chelsea went up the other end and Fernando Torres tried a spectacular overhead kick that crashed off the bar. A dumbstruck Frank Lampard provided an unintentional follow-up, and Chelsea were suddenly 1-0 up.

Both sides had chances. Danish loaf Nicklas Bendtner squashed an effort wide of the post and James McLean fluffed an excellent opportunity to equalise. Meanwhile Fernando Torres was doing his usual trick of flumping shots all over the place, hitting everything except the back of the net as he desperately looked for a way to end his 14-hour barren spell.

Ramires also pushed forward through midfield, and had a solid effort on goal from distance producing a good save from Mignolet. He apologised to Torres for not choosing to pass, before sharing knowing glances with the rest of his teammates. Gardner and Bendtner both missed more chances before the referee blew the final whistle. Chelsea took a tight but necessary victory as Sunderland left the Bridge without having been disgraced.

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Norwich City

It was all going so well. Comfortable, consistent... just how it’d been planned. But some surprises can’t be accounted for. Sometimes things just go wrong. When the autocue broke down, Lineker faced the camera with a piercing stare of terror, reaching out to the viewers in search of a solace that would never come. He was suddenly alone on his words, and a vulnerability was spoken down the lens. I’m not ashamed to say I got a bit teary-eyed when I saw it.

Anyway, Norwich continued to be the most impressive of the promoted teams with another well-earned away victory. After both sides had chances, Hoolahan crossed into the box to find Andrew Surman, who clumped in a volley. It made a beautiful sound, and the loveliness of that was reflected in the scoreline; 1-0.

It wasn’t all plain-sailing for the Canaries, as slightly-disappointing-given-his-namesake defender Daniel Ayala committed a rash foul to give West Brom a penalty. Shane Long confidently dispatched it, and gave the Baggies a fatal confidence. Charging forward for the victory, Mulumbu had his shot stolen off him at the vital moment, and an incisive breakaway from Norwich culminated in Grant Holt lofting in a cross for Morison to slam a header home. Norwich picked up their 7^th win of the season, re-emphasising their ambition for mid-table obscurity. For West Brom, the struggle gets heavier...

Newcastle 1-0 QPR

With Demba Ba on the form of his life, it was going to be a strain on Newcastle to replace him as the selfish Senegalese striker decided he wanted to play in the Africa Cup of Nations. How dare he?

The way QPR began the game was extremely feisty. They fought tooth, nail, hair and any other disposable part of the body for the ball and were not afraid of giving the goalkeeper a few frights. Buszaky stung the fingertips of Tim Krul whilst dinky winger Shaun Wright-Phillips’s effort skimmed a lick of paint off the bar.

Newcastle pushed on, and Leon Best (who is largely being touted as Demba Ba’s replacement) showed a touch of quality as he danced around a defender and slotted the ball into the back of the net with supreme style.

Jay Bothroyd became QPR’s scattergun as he decided he was just going to keep shooting until the statistics looked ridiculous. It didn’t work, but QPR were still pressing up-front. It actually made Paddy Kenny so bored, he decided to inject a bit of excitement into his game by rushing out to prevent a corner, rounding an oncoming midfielder and then putting it out for a throw-in. He then enjoyed the adrenaline-rush of the sprint back to goal as Spider-Geordie Jonas Gutierrez tried to curl the ball in past the stranded ‘keeper. The defence were there to clear up for the Irish Lemsip-addict.

Newcastle held firm and took the victory. The Hughes-effect hasn’t quite settled for Rangers, but there were promising signs in there. Namely, their renewed passion.

Aston Villa 1-1 Everton

A bog-standard mid-table clash if ever there was one. Neither side were itchingly desperate for the victory in this game, so a draw was probably the necessary result on this occasion. Most of the early action involved Shay Given, as he had to make a terrific save from Saha’s header, followed by another save from Stephen Warnock’s stupidity. His run of stops made him so confident, that he decided he wasn’t even going to use hands when he later saved Fellaini’s effort.

Darren Bent then scored his 99^th Premier League goal after Marc Albrighton stuck a super cross into the box and, after a bit of back-and-forth between him and Stephen Ireland, Bent slipped in the finish for 1-0.

Despite this, seasonal Yank Landon Donovan was able to help level things up when his clever ball found on-form and also seasonal striker Victor Anichebe who summoned up all his composure for a sweet finish. It was two even teams in an even game with an even result. Nothing odd about that.

Liverpool 0-0 Stoke City

Oh wow, finding something to say about this one. I mean, it was easier with the City game and I haven’t even seen that one. Liverpool do seem to be drawing a crazy amount of home matches, and I don’t think the claim that teams come to Anfield and defend for their lives can be used to excuse all of these ties. Liverpool have to be strong enough to score goals at home, and if they can’t do it then one wonders if King Kenny still has the magic anymore.

Liverpool did have chances, albeit sparse ones. Kuyt and Skrtel both missed headers and Stewart Downing put an effort over the bar. Other than that though, Liverpool had little and should have offered so much more going forward.

It’s the sort of result Stoke are good at getting, though, and they will be happy with another point towards survival for their fourth consecutive season.

And that wraps everything up. Come back next week for another one. Also I’m a bit tired and not well today, so that probably wasn’t my best one. So, like, if you hated this give it another go. And if you liked it, thanks and that.

Goal of the Weekend:  Leon Best’s twirly jive and sumptuous finish.

Performance of the Weekend: Blackburn, for defying their subdued manpower and emerging victorious.

The ‘Huh, that’s Different’ Award: Paddy Kenny, for deciding he’d had enough of sitting about and rushing out of goal unexpectedly.

5 Pompey FA Cup Memories (and one to forget)...

To celebrate the third round of the FA Cup, I thought I'd pay tribute to my five most memorable FA Cup moments as a Pompey fan. It's fair to say that Portsmouth have had a chunky wedge of fortune in the tournament over the past few years, but there's been more to the great cup memories than the two mazy runs to Wembley. As ever, I must stress that I am a snapper of whipper levels, so these memories will be recent. Consequently, there's no Liverpool semi-final from 1992 unfortunately. Still, let's have a look...

5. Portsmouth 0-1 Chelsea 15/5/2010

What better way to end a beautiful and tragic era in a club's history than with a trip to the most famous ground in England, to compete in the final of the oldest club competition in the world? It was a truly joyous day for Portsmouth fans regardless of the result, as the fixture itself was a symbol of the team's fighting spirit both on and off the pitch.


That said, there were fears of a heavily embarrassing defeat for Portsmouth. Chelsea had just come off the back of a 7-0 victory against Wigan, sealing their title in which they scored over 100 league goals. It seemed as though Pompey would be lucky to get out of this game without having conceded double figures.

But the battle through adversity continued and Portsmouth held theirselves firm in the face of relentless attack. Chelsea hit the woodwork a mind-blowing 5 times in the first half. David James' goal was leading the charmed life of a leprechaun's garden, and each defender had put in a career's worth of last ditch tackles. Namely, Aaron Mokoena spent the whole of the first half throwing himself around the area like a fish in order the block the many, many Chelsea attempts.

In the second half Pompey stumbled upon their cruel ray of hope. Aruna Dindane was felled in the area and a penalty was awarded. Kevin Prince Boateng, who had been one of the standout performers in a grim year, stepped up. He could only manage a nervy, tame effort and it was pushed away by Petr Cech. Chelsea then predictably went on to take the lead with a Drogba free-kick, before missing a late penalty through Frank Lampard.

It was a highly entertaining game and despite the result, the Portsmouth fans waved their flags and cheered in jubilation. It wasn't to be our cup, but it was to be our day.



4. Portsmouth 1-5 Arsenal 6/3/2004

This would seem an odd choice, but I think it celebrates a lot of what is great about Portsmouth Football Club. Back then, the days were carefree. We were flying high in the Premier League for the first time in over a decade, Harry Redknapp looked at home in the club's hotseat, Milan Mandaric was loved, the team was entertaining, the stands were full. Everything was great for Pompey, and this was made gleefully apparently when the fans were undeterred by a rampant Arsenal side.


The Gunners that evening were the best they've ever been. The passing was intricate, clever and beautiful, and the goals did flow. The creme de la creme de la creme simply had to be Thierry Henry. Breathtaking throughout, he came away with a brace during a truly stunning performance. All this simply left Portsmouth fans in a state of awe. They began to sing "can we play you every week?" and gave Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira standing ovations when they were substituted.

It was this phenomenal response that made the game so great. The atmosphere at Fratton Park that evening was beyond anything I've ever seen. At 5-0 down, the Pompey supporters continued to sing songs such as "We're gonna win 6-5", "Linvoy for England", and "Let's all have a disco". It was the most celebrated drubbing of a home team by the home fans in living memory. When Teddy Sheringham finally broke the Arsenal defence with a consolation goal, the cheers were enormous, as if Portsmouth had just scored a winner.

At the end of the night, everyone had praise for the Pompey fans. Thierry Henry donned a Pompey shirt before returning down the tunnel, and both managers could scarcely believe what had occurred. It was, without doubt, the best 5-1 defeat we've ever suffered.

3. Portsmouth 1-0 Liverpool 22/2/2004

Finally, a victory! This was not only a triumph over a very famous team, but a triumph over one of the most inept refereeing performances of all time. Having come back from 1-0 down at Anfield to force a replay, Fratton Park witnessed a game in which almost everything was weighted against Portsmouth.


The first half was a fairly even contest, with a few classy touches from Steven Gerrard providing Liverpool with some good opportunities. Emile Heskey and Bruno Cheyrou forced some good stops from Shaka Hislop. The Trinidadian 'keeper also had to make a strong save when Gerrard thundered a free-kick on goal.

It was the second half in which the controversy began. Referee Mike Messias made the bizarre decision to pull play back as Milan Baros was about to shoot, awarding Liverpool a free-kick. The kick was whipped in and Baros handled the ball in the area, but Messias awarded a penalty to Liverpool, as he had adjudged Linvoy Primus to have handled the ball.

After a few minutes of furious protests from the Pompey players, Messias finally agreed to talk to his linesman. The linesman told him he was an idiot, and the decision was reversed. Liverpool fans were not to worry though, as a stunning tackle from Matty Taylor dispossessed Milan Baros in the penalty area and the referee decided, once again, to award Liverpool a penalty.

Cue more furious protests, but this time the linesman left the referee to his own mistake and the decision stood. Michael Owen took the spot-kick, but it was an awful attempt and Hislop comfortably saved it. A few minutes later, Richard Hughes squeezed a daisy-cutter past Chris Kirkland to give Portsmouth the crucial goal. Despite what seemed like an extra game's worth of injury time, Pompey held on to a thoroughly deserved victory.


2. Portsmouth 1-0 Cardiff 17/5/2008

Well, yeah. I mean, you can't have the best FA Cup memories without the moment we actually won the bloody thing. I don't really even have to sum it up to be honest, it's obvious how meaningful, exciting and amazing this day was, and if you need a clue, just check out the celebrations on Southsea Common the following day (Spoiler Alert: Literally everyone was there).


Harry Redknapp's short-term affair with Lady Luck at Old Trafford aside, Portsmouth's FA Cup run in 2008 was devoid of many thrills. Not that this mattered, once the Premier League giants collapsed hilariously, the intimidating tag of 'favourites' suddenly fell on the shoulders of Portsmouth, and it became imperative that this famous old club didn't splurge the chance to grab a truly overdue trophy.

The semi-final win against West Brom was so nervy, nobody came home with any fingernails. The final continued in a similar vein, with neither side throwing their faith into the attack. Kanu had the best early chance, dancing his crazy dance around the Cardiff defence only for his lack of zimmerframe to impede him as he tumbled away, clipping the ball onto the post as he fell.

Not long afterwards though, John Utaka drilled a ball into the area and hapless throw-in phobic Fin Peter Enckelman parried it onto the toes of Kanu, who flicked it into the empty net. There was restrained euphoria, and the Pompey fans breathed a little. Cardiff had some decent chances in the second half, but the game never ignited. Portsmouth came home with the FA Cup, and once the final whistle had gone, relief turned into unrestricted joy.

It was the peak of a great side that would go on to die through financial troubles. Never before had Pompey fans seen a team like that of 2008, and probably never again will we see such an assemblance of quality. The great thing, though, is that unlike a lot of teams who have come and gone without upsetting the elite, Portsmouth made their brief spell at the top worthwhile with this single victory.


1. Portsmouth 2-0 Tottenham 11/4/2010

This is my all time favourite FA Cup memory. Growing up as a Pompey fan, my life coincided with the Premier League era perfectly. This game made everything come full circle. Despite the confirmation of the inevitable relegation the previous day, few Pompey games have been celebrated so vigorously as this one. The victory meant so much to every single Pompey fan that attended that day.


There was history to this game that added a context worth appreciating. The man who defined Portsmouth's time in the Premier League (whether we like it or not), Harry Redknapp, was now making a success of himself as Tottenham manager, having deserted the club for a second time the previous season. He had recruited players straight from Pompey, such as the now-maligned Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch, Younes Kaboul and Niko Kranjcar. These were people who had benefitted from Pompey's high-times and escaped before they had to suffer the damp patch. They weren't necessarily hated, but I'm sure all Pompey fans wanted them to taste a little bit of bitterness before the team ended their time at the top.

With the squad running on empty, morale low and one of the only shining lights Jamie O'Hara ineligible for the game, hope was emptier than a psychic's promises. Portsmouth fans travelling up the A3 had come to a conclusion during the journey that they were there "for the occasion" and "the result didn't really matter". There was no doubt in our minds that defeat was not only likely, it was assured.

Cue the craziest, most committed rearguard action to have ever graced Wembley. Tottenham had a staggering 31 attempts on goal throughout the game, and not one of them could find the back of the Pompey net (except for a header from Peter Crouch, but this was ruled out for a dubious foul). Portsmouth limped to half-time at 0-0, and crawled to full-time with the score still goalless.

Still, nobody was getting carried away. "A brave performance" and "We've done well to go this far" echoed throughout the stands. The players came back on the pitch and action resumed. Fans continued to be stoically expectant of the Tottenham winner.

Then it was a single slip from Michael Dawson. Frederic Piquionne couldn't miss, and before we could even contemplate that there was another goal to be scored in on the pitch, Portsmouth were 1-0 up. The noise was deafening from the blue end of the ground. Nerves carried on wrangling though, as Tottenham now desperately started chasing an equaliser. The tension was more unbearable than a penalty shoot-out, and I remember saying to my Dad "Why couldn't we have lost this 4-0 like we were supposed to".

In the second period of extra-time, Aruna Dindane suddenly broke down the field. Palacios clumsily brought him down inside the penalty area, and the sweet sound of the referees whistle met our ears. We had a chance to seal the deal, and Boateng set the ball up against his former team-mate. He thumped it home with a confidence that wouldn't have been matched by anyone else in the stadium, and Portsmouth went on to record a famous victory.

It was a tremendous day. Not only was it an unexpected win. Not only were we in the FA Cup final. Not only had we defied all the odds, predictions and pundits. Not only had we put one past the likes of Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch and the rest. Not only did it give us the opportunity to have a big day out at Wembley one last time before we sailed calmly into the Championship. Not only was it a testament to our continued survival from the clutches of financial abyss.

It was Harry Redknapp's little crushed face as well.

And a day to forget...


Portsmouth 1-4 Leyton Orient 5/1/2002



Ten years ago yesterday. I don't remember a lot about this game other than it was utterly depressing in every single way and Portsmouth were awful. We did go 1-0 early on through an own goal, but after that it was a laughably pathetic submission to a Division 3 team. Robert Prosinecki, possibly confused by Orient's Croatian-style Red and White shirts, barely hit a pass right all game, and there was hardly anyone left in the ground by the final whistle. It was one of the most miserable January evenings I can recall.