A Sepp too far.

Sepp Blatter has always been a bit of a knob. That’s by no means the most eloquent opening sentence I’ve ever used, but I don’t think there’s any need to be more whimsical and articulate about it. Sepp Blatter is a knob, and an impressively persistent one at that. Blatter has made a game out of being a walking, talking disaster, and his career has revolved around outdoing his previous stupidity.

Now he’s gone and said something a fair bit more idiotic than usual. Yes, even crazier than his comments about how women’s football should introduce hot pants to make it more popular. Even more ill-judged than his comparison of footballers to slaves. Even more bizarre than his idea of scrapping the offside rule. Even more insensitive than his comments that homosexual supporters should “refrain from sexual activity” in Qatar. If they gave awards for foolish statements, Sepp Blatter would have a trophy cabinet the size of London. This week, Blatter accomplished his pièce de résistance.

“There is no racism” Blatter remarked, adding “The one affected by this should say this is a game and shake hands”.

“Congratulations Blatter” cried football. “What awesome timing and understanding”.

It’s not difficult to see where the controversy is coming from. To even suggest that a victim of racial abuse should shake his perpetrators hand is an inexplicable point to make. There’s a reason Wayne Bridge doesn’t shake John Terry’s hand anymore – Because when someone else has done something wrong, it’s their obligation to appease the situation, not the victim’s. Blatter’s comments, though I’m sure he didn’t quite mean it as strongly as this, suggest a ‘get over it attitude’.

It’s difficult to know what Blatter was really thinking when he made these comments, but I’ll give it a shot. I believe that Blatter was getting fed up with the alleged racism on the pitch, didn’t see it as a problem and wanted to deny it outright in order to squash the situation entirely. However, it’s backfired spectacularly because if anything, the head of football’s governing body showing a lack of compassion for victims of racial abuse on the pitch is only going to add a ton of coal to the fire.

It’s usually important not to overreact to these statements, especially considering the obstacle of the antagonist having to break through the language barrier. Often I think it’s worth giving the benefit of the doubt in these situations, because things can so easily be misconstrued and the media can make more of certain comments that were perhaps unintended.

For example, a few weeks ago Man United ‘keeper Tomasz Kuszczak was vilified for using the term ‘slave’ in describing his situation at the club. Whilst the comparison is senseless, nobody can claim that they have never hyperbolised a bit. I think Kuszczak’s faux pas was just a small misunderstanding, but all it took was one of these instances and the press could paint it as an indictment of the ‘out-of-touch’ footballers.

However, I don’t think we can give Blatter any leeway here. He not only made some very clear statements (“There is no racism… shake hands”), but he is the head of FIFA. That shouldn’t be a position you attain if you can’t say what you mean, and you make comments contrary to your intentions. Sepp Blatter is not someone who is constantly misunderstood. Like I said, he’s a knob.

FIFA image has collapsed more dramatically than the Berlin Wall. They have totally lost the confidence of the fans thanks to repeated poor decisions and allegations of corruption. They desperately need a change, and I think it’s about time that the master of the gaffe himself stepped down. Like a true artist, Blatter has finished with his final flourish – a beautifully crass comment about racial abuse. Now he must step down.

Rise of the Machines

It’s finally happening. Sense has been seen. During March next year, FIFA will finally be discussing potentially introducing goal-line technology, where it seems likely that measures will be put in place to implement it, or at least trial it, for the 2012-2013 season. A nation still thwarting from the wounds of World Cup injustice weeps with relief.

In contrast, until quite recently I was one of those fusty conservative stalwarts who opposed any plans to introduce technology into football, even following Lampard’s disallowed goal against Germany in the World Cup. Perhaps it’s pure nostalgia and emotion that speaks these words, but I do feel that football’s simplicity is its key, and should be preserved at all costs.

That said, I’m not a backwards yokel and I’m willing to accept that, as one of the few objective decisions a referee has to make, goal-line technology can earn its place in the game if it’s used in the correct way. As a result I’ve come up with a few guidelines I’d want to see followed if FIFA are going to push the proposal through. Not that I have any authority or reverence that would make FIFA listen to me, but nonetheless, here is the criteria I believe it is imperative the technology follows:

1. Goal-line technology must be 99.9% accurate: This seems a rather obvious one, but still extremely important. If the technology shows itself to be at all erroneous, then I can see it conjuring up more controversy than 1000 Graham Polls could ever hope to amass. If it doesn’t work practically every time, it’s not worth considering.

2. Goal-line technology should not be simply a replay system: During the 2010 FA Cup Final, Drogba took a shot that bounced onto the line, and after seeing a replay, Clive Tyldesley was shouting “Look, we can see that’s in, why aren’t video replays being used?”. Then they showed the incident from another angle, clarifying the incident as not being a goal, and Tyldesley said “Well, maybe it wasn’t a goal. Still, it’s a good point isn’t it?” No actually Clive. You just blew your point out the water.

3. The notification as to whether or not a goal has been scored should be instantaneous: There’s been a lot of scenarios banded about on the internet about how one team could have a goal-line scramble, and then the other team goes up the other end and scores, causing a confusion for the rule if a decision takes time to be made. While these situations are pretty unlikely, referees have to be prepared for any event, and such possible ambiguities could cause all sorts of problems. This wouldn’t happen if referees were instantly informed as to whether a goal has been scored or not, so I think that’s important.

4. The technology should not affect the flight of the ball: I saw an image on the internet of a potential goal-line technology system that involved having what looked like an electrocuted spider spanning the whole inside of the ball. There’s absolutely no way something like that wouldn’t have an effect on the way the ball runs, which would be a compromise too far for the clarity technology provides.

5. This is not the thin end of the wedge: This is the crux of my point, and my biggest fear over this movement. I know it’s easy to fall down the old slippery slope fallacy, but I still think that accepting goal-line technology could well lead to more equipment being used for other decisions, such as penalty calls, fouls, offsides, etc. I’d hate this to happen. Hate it.

As I mentioned earlier, goals are one of the simplest, most objective entities in football. It’s either over the line or it isn’t. That can be worked into the game. But for things like penalties, not only are we relying on a wholly unnecessary video ref to make a decision that could just as conceivably be idiotic, we also get the game breaking up as everything gets appealed, the match barely moves, the on-field referee seldom has say on anything anymore, and the game stagnates as a result.

The reason why football is so exciting is because of its pace, and simplicity. It’s the ball, two teams, and two goals. Don’t use your hands, don’t hit each other. Let’s play. If you tune into a football match halfway into the game, it’s very likely that the ball will be in play; Do that with cricket, or rugby, or baseball, or many other sports, and the chances of that are largely inferior. As I say, goal-line technology is fine, but if football becomes infused with an insufferable amount of technology, then I can see the game losing a lot of its attraction.