AKA - Football in 2011: No God not the bees! Arrrrgh! Arrrghgarblegarble My Eyes! My Eyes!
The beautiful game is getting more and more beautiful, yet the financial machine behind it continues to inflate beyond comprehension. Football has had another year of captivation, controversy and capitulation. It’s been bloody brilliant.
Cast your mind back to January. Roy Hodgson, resembling a lost child accidentally put in charge of a football club, was sacked as Liverpool manager and the good Lord himself King Kenny Dalglish was his replacement. Chelsea paid an immense and, retrospectively, laughable £50m on misfiring Fernando Torres. Football lost a legend in big Nat Lofthouse, who died aged 85. “Feels like a while ago”, we all cry in unison.
It has been a long year for football. The aforementioned financial aspect of the game has been completely out of control. I envisioned some form of collapse for football’s economy long before the stage we’ve reached now, but instead the inflated transfer fees show no sign of stopping. Andy Carroll, who had only been through a season of Premier League experienced, was deemed to be worth £35m from Liverpool. Meanwhile, veteran striker Samuel Eto’o was bathing in sweet money thanks to his record-high salary of £330,000 a week at Russian club Anzhi Makhachkala.
It’s a worrying trend. Somewhere, the costs have to be covered and it seems that is beginning to hit the pockets of the fans more than anything else. The constant burden that is my football team, Portsmouth, are starting to charge £30 a ticket. That’s Championship level football, and that simply isn’t good enough. The world’s financial chaos means that the days of season tickets and Sky subscriptions will begin to dwell, and that could lead to crisis for certain clubs.
However, the football itself is getting better. Enough praise has been thrown at Barcelona that if all the players were found guilty of tearing down orphanages and destroying valuable pieces of art, everyone would still watch them with dreamy approval. However, it is true that the football is getting more and more amazing and Lionel Messi is continuing to establish himself as not just the best player at the moment, but a possible candidate for one of the best of all time once his career has finished. So far this season, Barcelona have scored an astonishing 39 goals in 8 home games.
In general though, football seems to be moving back towards a more interesting attacking style. 4-5-1 seemed ready to dominate football, but over this year teams are gradually evolving into a 4-3-3, with forward players chasing down the wings in order to put more pressure on defences. It’s worked, as we’ve seen some games with superb ebbing and flowing, and to top that some ridiculous scorelines. Who could forget the 8-2 between Man United and Arsenal? Or the 6-1 between Man City and Man United? Or the incredible 4-4 between Arsenal and Newcastle?
With such excitement has come a change in the pecking order for English football. The classic ‘big four’ is well and truly dead, with Manchester City and arguably Tottenham coming well into the frame. Man City have been the success story of 2011, with their continued improvement seeing them to FA Cup success last season and making them frontrunners for the title this year. With the signings of Aguero, Dzeko and Nasri bolstering the team, it seems very likely that Manchester City will be the next big name in world football. That said, world superstars don’t tend to be shown on Channel 5 on a Thursday night.
There have been some more sombre occasions in the world of football as well this year. Recently, we tragically lost two very well respected figures in the game. Gary Speed’s death was met with as much sorrow as I can ever remember from a footballer’s passing. Clearly a much-loved figure in the game, ex-players and reporters were breaking down in tears all over the place in the days following the shocking announcement. We also lost former Brazilian star Socrates, aged just 57. He was instrumental in the great passing and moving that Brazil possessed during his time.
Meanwhile, we had the retirements of a few true greats in football. Paul Scholes hung his boots up after a quietly illustrious career spent entirely at Old Trafford. The ginger midfielder continued to play a key role in his side up until the day he called it quits. Also leaving the foray of football was Ronaldo. A player who helped define his generation, Ronaldo left behind a legacy of World Cup memories, as well as his hundreds of goals in club football.
So what can sum up this tumultuous year in football? I’m going to say Mario Balotelli. That sounds odd, but think about it: Lots of money, much craziness and unexpected events off the pitch, perhaps a little too much showboating, but underneath it all some great football. Balotelli is the embodiment of football in 2011, and that’s somewhat lovable, somewhat tragic. God himself is struggling to work out where we’ll be at the end of 2012...
SEASON AWARDS – Bear in mind these awards are for the most entertaining entities in each category, and not necessarily the best.
Team of the year: I want to give this to Blackpool, because not only were their matches always exciting, they had us intrigued during their relegation battle. However, they faded out during this season. It’s between them and Birmingham, who went through just about everything you could go through. They won the League Cup, got relegated, had a European tour, shafted their manager off to their rivals...
Sod it. Blackpool win.
Player of the Year: Mario Balotelli. He’s amazing in every sense of the word.
Game of the Year – Manchester United 1-6 Manchester City. Not only was this incredible to watch, I get the feeling it will be one of the defining games of an era. City’s domination started here.
Goal of the Year – Bryan Ruiz vs Everton. Purely for the fact that Bryan Ruiz has literally done nothing else except this one ridiculously good goal.
Numpty of the Year – Sepp Blatter. I think perhaps this award should just be the ‘Sepp Blatter Numpty of the Year’ award and have it guaranteed that he will always win it as long as he is in football. Good job, Sepp.
Manager of the Year – Steve Kean. He’s inspired more protests than raised tuition fees and yet keeps his job. He also looks like Karl Pilkington.
Bizarre Moment of the Year – Emile Heskey going mental and barging into referee Mike Jones, consequently having to be restrained by his team-mates. I mean, where the hell did that come from? It was hilarious.
Goalkeeper of the Year - Bartosz Białkowski. I think he’s only played one game this year, but it was like he was trying to recreate a Heurelho Gomes compilation reel in 90 minutes. Shockingly poor.
The WTF England Cap of the Year – Carlton Cole. He’s had seven now, and I still don’t get it.
Refereeing Decision of the Year – Jack Rodwell sent off in the Merseyside derby because... I guess the referee was in that sort of mood.
AND FINALLY, the JensonsBeard award for just being awesome goes to... Titus Bramble. It’s his forceful tackling that I like.
I would like to apologise for the previous sentence.
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