Keep Jose, but give him a holiday

Just one of many back pages which have mounted the pressure on Mourinho.

Haven't we been here before? Yet another weekend's back pages are dominated by the crashing reputation of 2015's hero-to-zero fall guy. Jose Mourinho has been on the brink for some time - somehow squirming inches towards the precipice without the final push being delivered. Defeats continue to rain down on the Portuguese manager like a traditional English summer. 

The mercilessly awful form that Chelsea are exhibiting is compounded by Mourinho's antics, which are increasingly illustrating The Special One as a desperate, agitated character who has completely lost control. Far beyond the debasing rant against doctor Eva Carneiro, Mourinho shows no shame in ramping up his blame tactics to eleven. This weekend saw another display of irate flouncing and sardonic gestures on the touchline, before the inevitably bizarre post-match interview.

The familiar sarcastic laughter aimed at the referee.

It doesn't take a body language specialist to see that Jose Mourinho is under intense, inescapable pressure (although try telling that to the BBC, who decided to get a body language specialist to show that Jose Mourinho was under intense, inescapable pressure). The Chelsea boss is unlikely to have ever experienced anything close to this sort of scrutiny in his high-profile career, with the renowned hawkish behaviour of the British media coupling delightfully with one of the most surprisingly weak title defences in recent history.

It is precisely the nature of this pressure's ubiquity, coupled with the sensible truth that Jose Mourinho is a world-class manager capable of creating and directing a team that can challenge at the very highest level, that leads to my solution: Jose Mourinho needs a break.

Perhaps one or two months. Perhaps the rest of the season. A break from football, far away from the prying eyes of the tabloids and 24-hour sports news networks. A chance to forget about Chelsea, the referees, and the undiminished hunger to see Jose fail. 

Currently, every interview can only be another stage of hell for Jose.

My interpretation of Mourinho's recent antics are that he is trapped. It's never been uncommon for The Special One to deflect criticisms against his team towards all manner of outrageous targets. When things are going relatively smoothly, it's an effective tactic - Sir Alex Ferguson knew the value of protecting his players from the media too. 

However, Mourinho's most recent efforts are not a result of careful thought and deliberation - anyone with a clear head would have known that another animated touchline outburst, followed by a shirty interview, is a bad idea given the media whirlwind surrounding the club. It seems far more likely that Jose Mourinho is starting to freeze up under this pressure, returning to his most learned response as a coping mechanism.

The increased prevalence of 'the conspiracy theory' correlates directly to poor results.

Mourinho is stuck in a cycle. Chelsea lose, the pressure grows. The pressure grows, Mourinho reacts. Mourinho reacts, the team morale continues to fall. The team morale continues to fall, Chelsea lose. There was a stage earlier on in the season where a couple of favourable results, whether the fruit of good performances or lucky breaks, would have plugged the leak of seeping pressure. However, the job is now irreparable, and even a few victories would still leave Mourinho looking precarious, as it is extremely unlikely that Chelsea will reach their pre-season expectations of retaining the Premier League.

Many have commented that Mourinho has never had to lift a club out of this volume of mire before, and that this situation is test of The Special One's true resolve. Perhaps Mourinho feels he needs to prove something to these people, but it would be far more in his interests to admit he needs some help. Chelsea never hired The Special One to revive a failing squad, because that has never been what made him special. Mourinho should bite the bullet, ask Abramovich for a month or two off, allow an interim manager to get the team motivated again, and return to work in order to harness the relentless and clinical ability he has to win trophies.

Mourinho and trophies go hand-in-hand - could Chelsea afford to lose that?

It is most certainly an unorthodox approach, but Chelsea are facing a unique problem. No-one questioned Mourinho's managerial prowess before the season started, but it is clear that he is in no mental state to reach his own lofty standards. Chelsea would be foolish to let one of the world's top managers go, but to keep him will only do further damage. It might be a blot on his copy book, but if Mourinho could get past admitting that he's not the right manager in this specific situation, perhaps there is a solution that will benefit all parties beyond.

Monday Comment - Are Mourinho's Media Tactics Wearing Thin?

Mourinho's post-match interview guarantees headlines.

It's not unusual to see teams completely out of place in the league standings after just five games, but that fails to soften the shocking start that Chelsea have had, leaving them teetering on the dotted line of relegation. Three defeats out of five games,  star players turning completely anonymous, and antics from Mourinho that are increasingly becoming a pure circus-act, have brought the pre-season favourites to their knees.

One wonders just how much of an impact the Eva Carneiro fiasco had on the Chelsea players and staff. While Mourinho refuses to back down on his comments following the 2-2 draw with Swansea, it has inarguably caused more of a distraction than a deflection. This sort of attempt to detract attention from the poor performances of players is nothing new, but the cruel impact it has had on someone's professional life may have turned figures within the club against Mourinho's brash media tactics, as whispers are suggesting.

Mourinho's treatment of the club doctor was a step too far for many.

Besides, Mourinho's famed wheel of excuses is now falling extremely short of blocking the attention of the punditry from his slack squad. Eden Hazard, Cesc Fabregas and Branislav Ivanovic have all come in for their rightful share of heavy criticism after littering Chelsea's opening games with poor performances. It's almost as if the usual method of trying to deflect media scrutiny from his team is making analysts more determined to pick out the growing problems with Chelsea's football, ignoring the redundant excuses that inevitably tumble down the pipeline after the final whistle (very little has been made of Mourinho's ludicrous claim that part of the team's defeat to Everton was down to the computers breaking the day before).

We're left with an interesting situation at Chelsea now. Mourinho must band together a team short on form and morale, a task that has seldom cropped up for 'The Special One' in his years of relentless success. Despite the problems, it seems unlikely that he will face pressure against his job unless this patch of form continues into the winter, but Mourinho is driven towards league titles and will be desperate to get the club's title campaign back on track.

Martial's lore

Martial's goal was very Thierry Henry, but he won't want to end up going all Bebe.

Another great Old Trafford tale may have begun on Saturday, when Anthony Martial shifted the ball past a trio of dumbstruck Liverpool defenders before slotting home in front of an ecstatic Stretford End. Martial's move to Manchester United comes with an enormous amount of pressure - arguably more than any teenager footballer has had to deal with before. However, if his goal against United's fiercest rivals is anything to go by, the rising French star will hardly break a sweat.

United haven't always had much luck bringing in young strikers. Names such as Federico Macheda, Bebe and David Bellion represent unmet promises in the team's past. Anthony Martial still has a long way to go before he can permanently escape that list, but time is on the 19 year-old's side. Martial will continue to develop over the next few years, and such a high transfer price means that he should find himself given plenty of opportunities, lest the board are made to look like money-tossing fools.

The battle for fifth - Leicester versus Palace?

Riyad Mahrez has been one of the early stars of the season.

Two teams that have truly been impressive in the first five fixtures are Leicester City and Crystal Palace. Leicester finished last season on a high, yet remarkably Claudio Ranieri has worked out how to shift the team into an even higher gear. Fast attacking play has made the Foxes the joint-highest scorers in the league alongside Manchester City with 11 goals, and with a seemingly insatiable strikeforce, it seems that Leicester will continue to thrill and entertain throughout the season.

Where Leicester have arguably benefitted from a winnable run of fixtures, Palace have endured the opposite, taking on Arsenal, Chelsea and Man City in the first five games. Despite this, Alan Pardew's side have looked impressive in every match they have played, and sit in fifth with 9 points. Even in their defeats to Arsenal and Man City, they have performed extremely well and were unlucky not to snatch a result. Palace were touted as potential dark horses pre-season, but it seems more as if they are a legitimately excellent side that ought to expect a top-half finish at the very least.

Yohan Cabaye may be the buy of the summer.

Can either of these teams push for Europe? It feels as if there could be a surprise this season, and currently these two sides look the most likely to pull it off (Swansea would also be a contender here, despite their defeat to Watford). Considering the run of fixtures both sides have had, I would argue that Palace are more likely to finish in the top 6 than Leicester. It certainly wouldn't be beyond Alan Pardew - let's not forget how close he came to driving Newcastle into a Champions League spot in 2012.

Ighalo goal gets Golden Boys going

Ighalo's second goal of the season sealed Watford's first win.

You may or may not remember how I argued for Watford's survival a few weeks back. I'm not saying I was definitely right all along, but I feel that Watford's victory is a good reminder of their ability to succeed for those who had mentally put the nails in the coffin.

Admittedly, the stats didn't look good - no goals in 3 games, no wins, etc. But Watford have played well in all of their fixtures, and have scored points against strong teams. It did seem as if people had already written off the promotion side who hadn't yet thrilled, but I think there's more to come from Watford, and the Vicarage Road fire is only really simmering.

Nevertheless, it was crucial they scored a confidence-boosting victory against Swansea, as a winless start can have a damaging, numbing effect on a season.

5 Pompey FA Cup Memories (and one to forget)...

To celebrate the third round of the FA Cup, I thought I'd pay tribute to my five most memorable FA Cup moments as a Pompey fan. It's fair to say that Portsmouth have had a chunky wedge of fortune in the tournament over the past few years, but there's been more to the great cup memories than the two mazy runs to Wembley. As ever, I must stress that I am a snapper of whipper levels, so these memories will be recent. Consequently, there's no Liverpool semi-final from 1992 unfortunately. Still, let's have a look...

5. Portsmouth 0-1 Chelsea 15/5/2010

What better way to end a beautiful and tragic era in a club's history than with a trip to the most famous ground in England, to compete in the final of the oldest club competition in the world? It was a truly joyous day for Portsmouth fans regardless of the result, as the fixture itself was a symbol of the team's fighting spirit both on and off the pitch.


That said, there were fears of a heavily embarrassing defeat for Portsmouth. Chelsea had just come off the back of a 7-0 victory against Wigan, sealing their title in which they scored over 100 league goals. It seemed as though Pompey would be lucky to get out of this game without having conceded double figures.

But the battle through adversity continued and Portsmouth held theirselves firm in the face of relentless attack. Chelsea hit the woodwork a mind-blowing 5 times in the first half. David James' goal was leading the charmed life of a leprechaun's garden, and each defender had put in a career's worth of last ditch tackles. Namely, Aaron Mokoena spent the whole of the first half throwing himself around the area like a fish in order the block the many, many Chelsea attempts.

In the second half Pompey stumbled upon their cruel ray of hope. Aruna Dindane was felled in the area and a penalty was awarded. Kevin Prince Boateng, who had been one of the standout performers in a grim year, stepped up. He could only manage a nervy, tame effort and it was pushed away by Petr Cech. Chelsea then predictably went on to take the lead with a Drogba free-kick, before missing a late penalty through Frank Lampard.

It was a highly entertaining game and despite the result, the Portsmouth fans waved their flags and cheered in jubilation. It wasn't to be our cup, but it was to be our day.



4. Portsmouth 1-5 Arsenal 6/3/2004

This would seem an odd choice, but I think it celebrates a lot of what is great about Portsmouth Football Club. Back then, the days were carefree. We were flying high in the Premier League for the first time in over a decade, Harry Redknapp looked at home in the club's hotseat, Milan Mandaric was loved, the team was entertaining, the stands were full. Everything was great for Pompey, and this was made gleefully apparently when the fans were undeterred by a rampant Arsenal side.


The Gunners that evening were the best they've ever been. The passing was intricate, clever and beautiful, and the goals did flow. The creme de la creme de la creme simply had to be Thierry Henry. Breathtaking throughout, he came away with a brace during a truly stunning performance. All this simply left Portsmouth fans in a state of awe. They began to sing "can we play you every week?" and gave Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira standing ovations when they were substituted.

It was this phenomenal response that made the game so great. The atmosphere at Fratton Park that evening was beyond anything I've ever seen. At 5-0 down, the Pompey supporters continued to sing songs such as "We're gonna win 6-5", "Linvoy for England", and "Let's all have a disco". It was the most celebrated drubbing of a home team by the home fans in living memory. When Teddy Sheringham finally broke the Arsenal defence with a consolation goal, the cheers were enormous, as if Portsmouth had just scored a winner.

At the end of the night, everyone had praise for the Pompey fans. Thierry Henry donned a Pompey shirt before returning down the tunnel, and both managers could scarcely believe what had occurred. It was, without doubt, the best 5-1 defeat we've ever suffered.

3. Portsmouth 1-0 Liverpool 22/2/2004

Finally, a victory! This was not only a triumph over a very famous team, but a triumph over one of the most inept refereeing performances of all time. Having come back from 1-0 down at Anfield to force a replay, Fratton Park witnessed a game in which almost everything was weighted against Portsmouth.


The first half was a fairly even contest, with a few classy touches from Steven Gerrard providing Liverpool with some good opportunities. Emile Heskey and Bruno Cheyrou forced some good stops from Shaka Hislop. The Trinidadian 'keeper also had to make a strong save when Gerrard thundered a free-kick on goal.

It was the second half in which the controversy began. Referee Mike Messias made the bizarre decision to pull play back as Milan Baros was about to shoot, awarding Liverpool a free-kick. The kick was whipped in and Baros handled the ball in the area, but Messias awarded a penalty to Liverpool, as he had adjudged Linvoy Primus to have handled the ball.

After a few minutes of furious protests from the Pompey players, Messias finally agreed to talk to his linesman. The linesman told him he was an idiot, and the decision was reversed. Liverpool fans were not to worry though, as a stunning tackle from Matty Taylor dispossessed Milan Baros in the penalty area and the referee decided, once again, to award Liverpool a penalty.

Cue more furious protests, but this time the linesman left the referee to his own mistake and the decision stood. Michael Owen took the spot-kick, but it was an awful attempt and Hislop comfortably saved it. A few minutes later, Richard Hughes squeezed a daisy-cutter past Chris Kirkland to give Portsmouth the crucial goal. Despite what seemed like an extra game's worth of injury time, Pompey held on to a thoroughly deserved victory.


2. Portsmouth 1-0 Cardiff 17/5/2008

Well, yeah. I mean, you can't have the best FA Cup memories without the moment we actually won the bloody thing. I don't really even have to sum it up to be honest, it's obvious how meaningful, exciting and amazing this day was, and if you need a clue, just check out the celebrations on Southsea Common the following day (Spoiler Alert: Literally everyone was there).


Harry Redknapp's short-term affair with Lady Luck at Old Trafford aside, Portsmouth's FA Cup run in 2008 was devoid of many thrills. Not that this mattered, once the Premier League giants collapsed hilariously, the intimidating tag of 'favourites' suddenly fell on the shoulders of Portsmouth, and it became imperative that this famous old club didn't splurge the chance to grab a truly overdue trophy.

The semi-final win against West Brom was so nervy, nobody came home with any fingernails. The final continued in a similar vein, with neither side throwing their faith into the attack. Kanu had the best early chance, dancing his crazy dance around the Cardiff defence only for his lack of zimmerframe to impede him as he tumbled away, clipping the ball onto the post as he fell.

Not long afterwards though, John Utaka drilled a ball into the area and hapless throw-in phobic Fin Peter Enckelman parried it onto the toes of Kanu, who flicked it into the empty net. There was restrained euphoria, and the Pompey fans breathed a little. Cardiff had some decent chances in the second half, but the game never ignited. Portsmouth came home with the FA Cup, and once the final whistle had gone, relief turned into unrestricted joy.

It was the peak of a great side that would go on to die through financial troubles. Never before had Pompey fans seen a team like that of 2008, and probably never again will we see such an assemblance of quality. The great thing, though, is that unlike a lot of teams who have come and gone without upsetting the elite, Portsmouth made their brief spell at the top worthwhile with this single victory.


1. Portsmouth 2-0 Tottenham 11/4/2010

This is my all time favourite FA Cup memory. Growing up as a Pompey fan, my life coincided with the Premier League era perfectly. This game made everything come full circle. Despite the confirmation of the inevitable relegation the previous day, few Pompey games have been celebrated so vigorously as this one. The victory meant so much to every single Pompey fan that attended that day.


There was history to this game that added a context worth appreciating. The man who defined Portsmouth's time in the Premier League (whether we like it or not), Harry Redknapp, was now making a success of himself as Tottenham manager, having deserted the club for a second time the previous season. He had recruited players straight from Pompey, such as the now-maligned Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch, Younes Kaboul and Niko Kranjcar. These were people who had benefitted from Pompey's high-times and escaped before they had to suffer the damp patch. They weren't necessarily hated, but I'm sure all Pompey fans wanted them to taste a little bit of bitterness before the team ended their time at the top.

With the squad running on empty, morale low and one of the only shining lights Jamie O'Hara ineligible for the game, hope was emptier than a psychic's promises. Portsmouth fans travelling up the A3 had come to a conclusion during the journey that they were there "for the occasion" and "the result didn't really matter". There was no doubt in our minds that defeat was not only likely, it was assured.

Cue the craziest, most committed rearguard action to have ever graced Wembley. Tottenham had a staggering 31 attempts on goal throughout the game, and not one of them could find the back of the Pompey net (except for a header from Peter Crouch, but this was ruled out for a dubious foul). Portsmouth limped to half-time at 0-0, and crawled to full-time with the score still goalless.

Still, nobody was getting carried away. "A brave performance" and "We've done well to go this far" echoed throughout the stands. The players came back on the pitch and action resumed. Fans continued to be stoically expectant of the Tottenham winner.

Then it was a single slip from Michael Dawson. Frederic Piquionne couldn't miss, and before we could even contemplate that there was another goal to be scored in on the pitch, Portsmouth were 1-0 up. The noise was deafening from the blue end of the ground. Nerves carried on wrangling though, as Tottenham now desperately started chasing an equaliser. The tension was more unbearable than a penalty shoot-out, and I remember saying to my Dad "Why couldn't we have lost this 4-0 like we were supposed to".

In the second period of extra-time, Aruna Dindane suddenly broke down the field. Palacios clumsily brought him down inside the penalty area, and the sweet sound of the referees whistle met our ears. We had a chance to seal the deal, and Boateng set the ball up against his former team-mate. He thumped it home with a confidence that wouldn't have been matched by anyone else in the stadium, and Portsmouth went on to record a famous victory.

It was a tremendous day. Not only was it an unexpected win. Not only were we in the FA Cup final. Not only had we defied all the odds, predictions and pundits. Not only had we put one past the likes of Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch and the rest. Not only did it give us the opportunity to have a big day out at Wembley one last time before we sailed calmly into the Championship. Not only was it a testament to our continued survival from the clutches of financial abyss.

It was Harry Redknapp's little crushed face as well.

And a day to forget...


Portsmouth 1-4 Leyton Orient 5/1/2002



Ten years ago yesterday. I don't remember a lot about this game other than it was utterly depressing in every single way and Portsmouth were awful. We did go 1-0 early on through an own goal, but after that it was a laughably pathetic submission to a Division 3 team. Robert Prosinecki, possibly confused by Orient's Croatian-style Red and White shirts, barely hit a pass right all game, and there was hardly anyone left in the ground by the final whistle. It was one of the most miserable January evenings I can recall.

Football Round-Up: Ji, the Title Contenders are Starting to Yak

The last two days of football have been half topsy, half turvy. Giants seem to be dropping like big poisoned flies, and the hopeless seem to be rising up with unseen spirit. This is true in the Premier League especially, as we witnessed two of the most unexpected results of the season, along with other title challengers stumbling and a few well-needed displays from bottom-dwellers. It’s been enough to put Martin Tyler into a cataclysm of euphoria so dangerous, he may have to be put into a coma to compensate.

Speaking of which, though I wasn’t able to watch Sunderland’s shock victory over Manchester City on Sky Sports as I’m staying at home and my parents cancelled Sky Sports just a couple of days ago (on the day of a live Pompey game, agonisingly). I have seen a clip of Tyler’s commentary, and it reaffirms him as one of the best, with passion brimming from his lips.

Really though, you’d be absolutely right in accusing me of missing the point by talking about a broadcaster ahead of the game itself (I could go back and change it, but that would involve editing and effort and stuff). Sunderland’s win is such a perfect moment in football. It’s that subversion of everything that should happen in one explosive second. There’s no reason why Manchester City should lose a game like that, and thus a fairytale (of sorts) is born. Die-hard, desperate defending followed by daylight robbery (that doesn’t sound at all like a fairytale, on retrospect).

It seems Martin O’Neill has not so much breathed a new life into the side as emptied his lungs into it. They’ve scored 10 points out of the last 15 and looked a far cry from the fumbling shambles that Steve Bruce inadvertently assembled. Under Bruce’s regime, a lot of the squad seemed very anonymous and you’d be forgiven for not knowing half of Sunderland’s starting eleven. However, the players appear to be making themselves noticed again. Sessegnon has looked like an absolute powerhouse in midfield, Craig Gardner is integrating into the side with total commitment and Seb Larsson is beginning to convert his annoyingly good free-kicks. That said, with such strange results throughout the table, relegation is still a very real threat for many sides, including The Black Cats.

For Manchester City who have thrown away points in three of the last five games, one wonders where things are going wrong. Just a few weeks ago the team were striding from one game to the next with confidence burning the faces of their opponents, but suddenly times seem to have gotten tough and they aren’t looking like championship-certainties anymore. It could be argued that this is just a rough patch, as any team will go through. I expect there will be a better indication of whether or not that is the case over the next few weeks, with a gamit of tough fixtures on the horizon.

However, you do have to call into question their lacking in that all important attribute: experience. Though a truly impressive array of talent on their books, none of today’s Man City starting eleven have been anywhere near a title race (with the exception perhaps of Samir Nasri). It’s an oft-cited excuse that I feel is overblown, but it’s hard to deny that, having been in this position countless times, Manchester United aren’t advantaged in the title race.

That said, United have illustrated their proneness to crumbling like soggy cake. Yesterday’s defeat to Blackburn is the only possible result in football that, given the previous hopelessness of Steve Kean, was more unlikely than Kim-Jong Un being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. However, despite the almost boringly clichéd United comeback threatening to make a return, Blackburn somehow managed to find a winner and get three of the most precious points in a relegation fight. It takes a lot to win at Old Trafford (unless you’re Man United) and you need many things in your favour to make it happen. That includes a king’s portion of luck, a bit of flair and class on the pitch (in the shape of somebody like Yakubu) some tight defending, David De Gea on the field and an undeterred team spirit. It’s the lattermost that surprises me. I figured Blackburn players would feel lower than the Earth’s core, but for all his shortcomings, Steve Kean appears to be inspiring something in the team.

If Kean can turn things around at Blackburn it would be one of the most remarkable stories in football. I’ve never known a manager to be subject to such bitter protests, yet his wounded heart soldiers on and results have started to turn in his favour. In fact, one wonders if the abuse had touched the United team emotionally, and they let them win because they felt bad for him. That could be Kean's master plan. Whatever though, Blackburn are still a team in deep trouble, but the ray of hope has been cast off the shiny bald head of the Scot.

United’s title ambitions never seemed as fierce for the 2011-2012 season. Though their signings during the summer were good, absent from transfer proceedings was still that one player to make Manchester United into the team to be as utterly feared as they were during the Cristiano Ronaldo days. If they were going to win the league this season, it seemed they would do it quietly and efficiently. However, it’s really been all over the place. They’ve destroyed teams one minute and lost games bizarrely the next. It seems there’s little consistency in the team, and that may be down to the younger element of the squad that came with the summer changes. Lack of experience may just be affecting United as well as City.

Indeed, it could well be the issue for Andre Villas-Boas as well. The Chelsea team itself oozes experience, but their lickle baby of a manager is starved of it. Their defeat to Aston Villa, whilst surprising, caps an awful run of form for The Blues. They appeared to lack the strength and confidence to cope with Aston Villa’s counter attacking football (I must say, it was lovely to watch a real-life Jew Goal performed this weekend). 

Chelsea’s title ambitions are probably over. However, the fallen giants around them may give them a view of the greener pastures. They have a long gap to close, and if the transfer market isn’t utilised you’d say the ageing squad doesn’t have enough about it to make any real impact. However, with Chelsea there is always that chance. I’d give them more hope than Tottenham and Arsenal still, because we all know what they are capable of. A big run from here to the end of the season, with a little help from the fellow contenders struggling, may just see them back in contention.

Those were the big three results. I’ll go over the others a bit more briefly, because this looks long and I want to get back to playing Football Manager. Arsenal have been the form side in recent weeks, but their 1-0 win over QPR hasn’t cleansed my feeling that Robin van Persie is carrying that side like a camel with giant haystacks (either the animal fodder or the former wrestler will work in this simile) on its back. The Dutchman’s class made the difference once again, leaving a larger indent in the minds of those who worry about his inevitable injury.

Everyone kept going on about his record for scoring in a calendar year (including John Motson, who when commentating van Persie's goal against Everton completely ignored one of the most amazing physical feats in modern man whilst he was scrabbling around looking for his big book of statistics... I can empathise). While impressive, they only seemed to measure it up against Premier League players, with Alan Shearer being the record holder on 36. I appreciate that the Premier League is now the ‘Common Era’ of football, but really it would’ve been nice to see him compared to Lofthouse or Dean. This fact especially annoyed my Dad, who has now realised that football wasn’t invented until 1992 and all his memories of the game until then was an elaborate mirage perpetrated by Thatcher to give hooligans a place to go.

Bolton got an important point against Wolves in their fight to stave off relegation. Their form has resembled a lingering cold; constantly below par but with that expectation things will different next week. Though they could have done with a win yesterday, the point itself and a more encouraging performance will take away the downer of being bottom of the table. On a side-note, Sam Ricketts’ goal was excellent. I remember hearing him on the radio a month or two back whilst he was still injured, and he seemed like a good bloke, so I’m glad for him (in a cold, distant sort of way).

There was more late drama at Carrow Road as they pulled off a last-minute equaliser to deny Fulham the victory. Orlando Sa, a footballer who thuds against the ‘forget’ button in your memory, looked promising, causing problems all around Norwich’s defence and just being generally annoying. However, the plucky Canaries continue to get the important goals and have stood up to my expectations that they will have a good season. I’m glad for them (in a cold, distant sort of way).

Stoke had a pretty fun game against perennial survivors Wigan. 1-0 down, they won a penalty following Caldwell’s handball as Jerome headed towards goal. Caldwell was sent-off, and there was this strange argument from people who were incensed as the handball wasn’t deliberate. I don’t think that’s really the point when you deny a clear goalscoring opportunity. The opposition needs a concrete retribution on such occasions, and a red card is a good way of ensuring that (it doesn’t always work though, ask Ghana). Anyway, Stoke scored the penalty, Cameron Jerome (who amazes me with his perfection of embodying the word 'average') made it 2-1, and yet those never-say-die Wigolians managed to scrape a point with a late penalty.

A meeting between two of the most entertaining teams in the league, Swansea and Tottenham, ended in a 1-1 draw. It’s another frustration for Spurs, who have nagged away as possible title candidates, but as that sexy Scot Alan Hansen repeatedly says “Tottenham will always let you down”. If letting you down involves a top four finish, I don’t think Spurs fans will mind so much, but with the squad looking so capable and the football being so damn impressive, I think Tottenham not being close to ‘up there’ at the end of the year will feel a little like wasted potential.

And finally, it turns out Victor Anichebe still exists as he scored the winner against West Brom today. I had to check, but the lad is still only 23. It feels like he’s been around for decades, turning up every now and then from a long break to score a goal and then exit the stage for another seven months. At 23, you’d be tempted to say he’s had enough time to prove himself, but with Everton’s striking options looking brittle, Anichebe may still have a role to play at the club.

So that’s the Premier League wrapped up. I would talk about the Championship, but I can’t be bothered. All you need to know is the top two both lost, with Middlesbrough skimping on the chance to mix it up in there by drawing to Peterborough. Portsmouth got a decent result away to Leicester City, with Marko Futacs scoring his first goal in a 1-1 draw. And Watford secured a big win over Doncaster. Other than that, no other football really matters.

Alright, I'm sorry. I do like lower league football, but I haven't seen any of it the past few days. I'll make a bit more effort next time. But really after that, what else is there. I mean, Scottish football? Is that still around?

Anyway, to end this feature is going to be a regular couple of awards. Here they are:

Goal of the Weekend: Sam Ricketts’ sumptuous curler against Wolverhampton.

Team of the Weekend: Sunderland, for their heroic battling against City.

The ‘Huh, that’s different’ Award: Victor Moses, for simply not looking at a penalty.

Football Round-Up, if I can fight off the urge to be an ungodly lazy little oaf, will be a regular feature, so like, come back and stuff.

Boas Constricted

You're a young football manager. You've just won the Division Four title with Titchy United. Suddenly the phone rings. You excitedly press it to your ear, and it's Richy Moneybags, the chairman of MegaGiant Rovers (the champions of the Premiership). He wants you to replace the retiring Beloved McAwesome as manager. Are you ready for it? No. But you're not willing to turn down a shot at the title. You enthusiastically mutter "Yesss" over the phone, and a contract is sent your way.

It all goes wrong though. Through inexperience, you fail to get the stubborn millionaires in the team to perform in the first three months and Moneybags calls you into his gigantic office made of solid gold. He licks his fat lips and dismisses you with an iron grin. You beg, plead, implore. He looks down his nose at you and points to the door. Your career is over. His never will be.

Pull away from that dramatisation, and we have a slight resemblance in the Andre Villas-Boas situation. The 34-year old is apparently already "under pressure" according to certain media outlets, having only been in the Chelsea hotseat for three months. Several recent defeats leave the Blues in fifth; a far cry from their initial title ambitions.

However, when you appoint a very young, inexperienced manager, what do you expect? Though Villas-Boas' success with Porto was immediate, the canyon between the Portuguese and English leagues is vast. It is wildly unrealistic to expect Villas-Boas to win the title in his first season at Chelsea, and if Abramovich really appointed him with such instant achievements in mind, he really has no idea how to run a football club.

I was of the opinion that the implementation of such a young manager was a plan for stability at the club. With him in charge, a few seasons of leeway could be given as he built the team up and worked out his style of play, allowing him to gradually make a squad stronger than Chelsea have ever had. Though a rare example, Sir Alex Ferguson now defines the rewards of this patient approach, with his first few years in charge being a huge struggle before the part of the story where you go "the rest is history".

However, if the suggestions of Villas-Boas being under pressure are true, the patient approach is thrown away completely. The Portuguese manager has at least shown certain levels of competence, bringing in the excellent Juan Mata and keeping the team tight to the top four. It would be a little bit insane not to even give him to the January transfer window in order to get things the way he wants them.

If Andre Villas-Boas is sacked within the first season of his reign, the board must admit they made a huge error. Ancelotti was presumably fired because they felt a replacement would bring more trophies in the long run. They had to pick his successor carefully to ensure this, and Chelsea aren't exactly the sort of side that will struggle for resources when looking for the man they want. They went for Villas-Boas, fully aware that his lack of experience would mean he'd need a few months to get to grips with the English game.

It's all about how Chelsea wanted to approach the appointment of a new manager, and they went for the young, long-term option. Sacking him now would be an admission of failure. Villas-Boas, I'm sure, is doing his job to the best of his ability at the moment, and it's not his fault if that isn't enough.

Best season ever?

Cor! 8-2! Blimey! 6-1! Wowzers! 5-3! Swizzle! 4-3!

Just some of the sounds you will have no doubt heard during this year’s Premier League season. And there’s no question such unrepressed emotion about the football so far is justified. Defences seem to have gone to sleep whilst attackers are running riot. The top teams are collapsing against one another leaving the title race gaping, whilst the bottom teams battle on in promise of a gutsy relegation fight.

This year was perfectly poised to be an absolute classic. Manchester United’s rather uninspiring summer signings looked like it would put them in difficult stead for the year. In contrast, their rivals Man City could boast a gamut of new recruits that gave them the potential to really tough it out with the big boys. Meanwhile, Chelsea would have to deal with another new manager, Arsenal seemed to be crumbling, Liverpool were resurgent. It was going to be amazing.

And by God, has it delivered, but perhaps not in the way we expected. United remained relatively firm up until their hammering at the hands of Man City. Their transfer deals looked to be working a treat with Jones holding firm in defence and Young adding a classy creative spark up front. Furthermore, youngsters such as Cleverley and Welbeck began to look the finished article, integrating themselves into the first eleven seamlessly.

However, the aforementioned thrashing by Manchester City has certainly rubber stamped a more-than-worthy challenge from United’s pesky rivals. City’s potential was really up in the air until that first whistle was blown – nobody knew if the team was truly going to hack it at the top following their FA Cup victory. Also, with so many fresh faces thrown into the side, it was not impossible for the team to become unbalanced.

Despite this, they have absolutely flourished in the league this year. The team looks strong in every department and certain players, such as David Silva and Edin Dzeko, ooze quality. Few would doubt the title credentials of City, who are having a season that speaks parallels with Chelsea first EPL title win in 2005. That said, if they are the best side in the league it’s not by a huge margin, and with this in mind it’s all setting up for an epic Battle of Manchester this year.

But what of Chelsea? The team who often threaten to dominate during the early stages of the year? With Andre Villas-Boas in charge it could be said, with due fairness, that this is a transitional season for Chelsea. A manager so young will need time to develop his own team and style, but this is not to say Chelsea are definitely out of the title race this year. So far they have played some impressive football, with Mata looking all the £24m that was paid for him. However, the defence looks jaded, as evidenced by the 5-3 thriller that saw Chelsea defeated. Furthermore, Torres still isn’t back to form and it looks like Drogba and Anelka are starting to wane.

The other contenders would normally be Arsenal; however they have been through a real crisis at the start of this season. An uninspiring start was followed by the stupendously tragic 8-2 defeat to Man United. Since then they have been inconsistent and haven’t looked at all like title challengers. Only Robin van Persie’s extraordinary form has kept heads above water in North London, and his influence has been enough to see the team win a few games and rise to 7^th. It’s perhaps not a complete disaster, but it’s certainly not encouraging for The Gunners.

And how about Liverpool, the team who spent big money to establish themselves as a successful team once more? It’s been on and off for them. Their form has been solidly Europa-League standard, but they are lacking the spark that will make them potential championship winners once more. Suarez has had a funny year, looking classy but not so effective. Gerrard has returned from his long injury, which is a big boost, but again it seems as if Liverpool’s season will be one of consolidation.

All this, combined with the excellent form of Tottenham and Newcastle, and the trials and tribulations of the promoted teams, balances the season in a spectacular way. I can’t remember a time where I’ve felt more excited about the possibilities of the year. We’re going to have an incredible title race, the chase for Europe will be superb, and the relegation fight will include unbearable tension. More to the point though, the games themselves have been excellent examples of interesting, attacking and incident-filled football.

No season have I ever, so often, come away from watching a game and remained on that high for days after. Long may that last.